Damaged
by dmaeq
Summary: Disfigured due to war, Santana Lopez returns to her hometown. She finds herself falling for her mom's housekeeper Brittany Pierce. AU fic.
1. Chapter 1

Damaged Chapter 1

Maribel Lopez arrived at the Columbus airport to pick up her 25 year old daughter Sgt. Santana Lopez. The past year had been rough for the mother and daughter. Three years earlier Santana joined the Army after graduating from college. She wanted to follow in the footsteps of her late Roberto who had served in the Army prior to going to medical school. Roberto died of cancer during Santana's freshman year of college. She dedicated her service to her father. It was during Santana's third tour in Iraq that tragedy struck. She was riding in a Humvee when a roadside bomb went off. She suffered severe burns and shrapnel wounds on the right side of her body.

Maribel's heart broke when she flew to Germany to see Santana. Her daughter was heavily bandaged and Maribel had to wear a gown, gloves, and mask when she was in Santana's room for extra caution in case of infection. For the first few weeks, Santana was kept heavily sedated. When the sedatives were decreased she fully understood her injuries.

"_I should have died. I'm a freak, I can't go on like this." She screamed at doctors one day._

_Maribel heard her screaming from the hallway and rushed in, "Santana Maria Lopez don't you dare say that. I already lost your dad and I'm glad you survived."_

_Tears streamed down Santana's face after hearing her mother mentioning her father. Maribel held her daughter gently while she cried. _

Santana was transported back to the U.S. She underwent surgeries at different veterans' hospitals. Plastic surgeons eventually told her that residual scarring would remain on her body. Her last surgery was in California. She was alone due to Maribel having to do a court case as a part of her job as a lawyer. Santana hated flying back to Ohio by herself. She wore long sleeves shirts to hide the scars on right arm, she wore a silk scar around her neck and she wore a hooded sweater to hide some of the facial scars. She lucked out by not having to sit next to someone on the plane. She noticed other people starring at her. She listened to her iPod throughout the whole flight.

She was relieved to find her mom at the airport. Maribel hugged her daughter and said in a sweet voice, "Welcome back to Ohio mija".

They headed to the parking lot and got in Maribel's car which had tinted windows. Santana like that, it helped her hide a bit from the world. Halfway through the drive home to Lima, Maribel made an announcement.

"I hired a new housekeeper a few days back. Her name is Brittany Pierce. She will be at the house when we arrive." The mother said.

"Why did you do that? I don't like freaking out people." Santana said.

"I've been busy with this court case and I needed someone to get the house cleaned up and ready before you came home. I explained about your injuries to her and she won't be freaked out." Maribel said.

"Mom, I see how people look at me. Trust me she will freak out." Santana said.

"I hired Brittany because she is the niece of Dan Pierce one of the partners at the firm. Brittany moved to Lima to help take care of Dan's mother. She is 19 and attending Lima Community College. She is a bit ditzy, but very kind." The older Lopez women said.

…

Back at the Lopez residence in Lima, Brittany was placing fresh linens on Santana's bed. The tall blonde glanced through the bedroom and saw various pictures, mementos, and trophies. On the dresser near the bed, she saw a picture of Maribel and Santana at Santana's college graduation. Next to it was a picture of Santana in a military dress uniform. The blonde finished making the bed and headed downstairs to check on some baked chicken and a casserole that she had in the oven.

The phone rang and Brittany picked it up and said, "Hello, this is the Lopez residence."

The voice on the other line responded, "Hello, this is Quinn Fabray. I'm a friend of Santana's. Has she arrived yet?

"She has not arrived yet. Would you like to leave a message?"

"Yes, just tell Santana I called and that I'm thinking about her." The other woman responded.

Brittany wrote Quinn's name and the message on a paper.

Twenty minutes later, Brittany was setting the table with food, plates, and utensils. She knew the Lopez women were to arrive soon. She was curious about seeing Santana. Maribel had described how some of Santana's scars looked. Brittany felt so bad for her, she was very pretty in the pictures throughout the Lopez house.

She saw Maribel's Lexus pull into the driveway. She stayed in the kitchen and was surprised when only Maribel came into the kitchen.

"Hi Maribel, how was your trip? Where is Santana?" The blonde asked.

"The trip went well. Santana went around the back of the house and went up to her room. She said she wasn't ready for you to see her."

"I understand. I'm a stranger. Dinner is ready." Brittany responded.

"Oh good, I'm starving why don't you join me? I'll take a plate up to Santana later." Maribel said.

"Ok sure."

The two women ate in silence, until Brittany spoke up, "I almost forgot, but someone named Quinn Fabray called about Santana.

"Oh Quinn, she was Santana's best friend in high school. They were on the Cheerios together at McKinley.

Brittany then remembered seeing pictures of Santana and a blonde in Cheerios jackets and outfits up in Santana's room.

Forty minutes later, Brittany was putting on her coat to head home. Maribel told her to come back two days later to do cleaning and some cooking. Upstairs Santana heard Brittany's voice and liked how sweet it sounded. She heard her mother say goodbye. She then looked out her bedroom window and saw the tall blonde get into her car.

"She is very pretty" Santana whispered to herself.

…..

Over the next two days, Santana and Maribel spent time together. The older Lopez managed to get a couple of days off from work. Santana called her friend Quinn up and talked with her. Quinn wanted to come see her, but the brunette refused. Today Maribel would be heading back to work and she told Santana that Brittany would be coming over in the afternoon to do some cleaning and cooking.

The brunette planned to stay in her room while Brittany worked. She heard the downstairs door open. Brittany had been given a key to the house. She then heard footsteps up the stairs. Then came the sweet voice.

"Hi Santana, it's me Brittany." Brittany said standing the hallway.

"Oh hi." Santana responded from her closed door room.

"I should be here for until around 6." Brittany said.

Santana didn't respond. She stayed quiet. She later heard a vacuum in the house. She wanted to see Brittany up close. Even though the girl was a stranger, Santana already developed an attraction to her. Santana had not had a steady girlfriend for a few years due to being busy with the Army. Now she had doubts about ever having a relationship again. She continued to see herself as a freak.

…

A couple of hours later, Santana needed the bathroom. She wondered if Brittany was still downstairs. She decided to risk it and she headed to the upstairs bathroom. When she opened the door, Brittany was there cleaning the sink. It was the first time she saw the blonde up close. She loved the sight of Brittany's piercing blue eyes.

Brittany turned to her. She smiled and said "Hi".

Santana was shocked that Brittany didn't seem freaked out by her scars. She stayed quiet for a few minutes.

Brittany stared a bit at her out of curiosity. She saw the thickness of one scar that came from the side of Santana's forehead down to her chin. She then said, "Cat got your tongue."

Santana responded, "Oh sorry. Umm hi. It is good to finally meet you."

"Nice to meet you. I guess you need the bathroom. I'll go downstairs to check on dinner" The blonde said.

Later on, Santana headed downstairs and saw Brittany cleaning up one of the counters.

"So Brittany tell me about yourself. My mom tells me you go to LCC." Santana said trying to make conversation.

"Yeah, I go there. It was my dad's idea. I'm not very good when it comes to school stuff. I really want to be a professional dancer, but my dad is against it. Anyway when my uncle Dan said he needed help caring for my grandma, my dad said he would pay for my tuition." Brittany said.

"I did a lot of dancing back in high school, when I was a cheerleader." Santana said.

"I saw the pictures up in your room. I was a cheerleader too back in my high school in Indiana."

The two women chatted about cheer and dance numbers. Santana helped Brittany set the table. Brittany wasn't going to stay for dinner because she had to run errands for her grandmother. Maribel came home and found her daughter in the kitchen.

"I'm surprised to see you down here. I thought you have been up in your room hiding. Did you finally allow Brittany to see you?" She asked.

"I walked in on her cleaning the upstairs bathroom. She is very nice, she doesn't seem to get too freaked out by my scars." The brunette said.

"See mija, I told you that not everyone would be scared of you."

Santana nodded in agreement.


	2. Chapter 2

Damaged Chapter 2

The following morning, Brittany dropped by the Lopez residence to pick a shopping list that Maribel had made the night before and some cash. Santana was in the kitchen eating some cereal and she smiled when she heard Brittany's car pull up. The blonde came into the kitchen and was a bit surprised that Santana wasn't up in her room.

"Hey Brittany. Here is the shopping list and cash." Santana said.

"Oh ok. I wish I could stay longer, but I have a class in about 30 minutes. I'll do the shopping after class. Would you like to come with me? I could come back for you." Brittany said.

"Oh no. I don't I'm ready to be scaring people at the grocery store."

"Don't be so cruel to yourself. I don't know you that well, but you seem awesome." Brittany said with a wide smile.

"I guess I'm an awesome freak." Santana replied.

Brittany responded, "I got to get going. I'll be back this afternoon after shopping."

* * *

Brittany's sociology class had just ended when she ran into her friend wheelchair bound friend Artie Abrams. Artie was a year older than Brittany and he had befriended the girl earlier in the semester. The two bonded over certain aspects of the entertainment industry. He had a desire to be film or a theater director.

The two friends went into a courtyard area to chat for awhile.

"How is your new job going?" Artie asked.

"It is going ok so far. Maribel and Santana have been nice to me. Santana is bitter over the scars though. She fears going out in public."

"That is common with people who become disabled or disfigured. I was 8 when my accident happened and it took me a couple of years to become fully comfortable being out in public in a wheelchair."

"I guess it will take Santana awhile to get used to being out in public with scars. I'm going to keep trying to get her to go out. " Brittany said.

* * *

Brittany was pulling into the Lopez driveway when she saw a blonde woman on the doorstep. She parked her car and got out.

"Can I help you?" She asked and then realized that the woman was Quinn Fabray

"Hi, I'm Quinn, a friend of Santana. Is she home? " She responded.

Brittany then figured that Santana was avoiding Quinn.

She got close to the shorter blonde and in a low voice said, " I'm Brittany the new housekeeper. She is having hard time. She doesn't like leaving the house. Maribel told me about you. She has been trying to get Santana to be open to visitors. Maybe give her time."

Tears formed in Quinn's eyes and she replied, "I guess I'll give her time. Can you tell her that I'm thinking of her and it doesn't matter how she looks."

"I'll tell her." Brittany said.

Quinn headed to her car which was parked on the street. Brittany went back and got a couple of grocery bags. She entered the house and heard Santana say "How did you manage to get Quinn to go away?"

"I told her that you weren't ready for visitors. She seems like a nice person, why won't you let her see you?" Brittany said.

Santana replied, "Back in high school, Quinn and I ruled the school with ron fists. We treated some people like crap. I guess my scars are karma. I don't want Quinn to feel obligated to be my friend again just because I got injured in the war."

"I think she just wants to be there for you. She said the scars didn't matter " The blonde said.

"Why are so nice to me and why aren't you freaked out by my scars?" Santana asked.

"Your scars aren't a reason for me to be freaked out by you. I understand why you are angry. I would be too." You shouldn't be angry with Quinn or your loved ones." Brittany said.

Santana didn't respond for awhile. She took in Brittany's simple statement and remembered how Quinn was there for her after her dad's cancer struggle and eventual death.

* * *

Later that night, Santana picked up the phone and dialed Quinn's number. Quinn had moved back to Lima two years prior to take a job at her mom's real estate office.

She heard Quinn's soft hello on the other end.

"Hey it's me Santana."

"Santana how are you? I guess Brittany told me that I was at your house." Quinn said.

"I have to apologize Quinn. I shouldn't be shutting you out. We have been friends since freshman year of high school. You were there for me when my dad died. I'm just scared that my scars will scare people away" Santana said.

"Nothing could scare me away. You're my best friend. I have been dying to see since you got back. Please let me visit" The blonde pleased ove the phone.

"About tomorrow?" Santana questioned.

"Oh I can't I have to go to Westerville to look at some properties. About Saturday?" Quinn responded.

"Sure Saturday sounds good".

* * *

Maribel woke up on an early Saturday morning. She decided to go into the office to get ahead of work. Brittany was scheduled to do some painting in the guest room and make some meals that day. The young housekeeper arrived at the home a little after 8 am. She decided to make breakfast for herself and Santana.

Santana joined the blonde at the table. She was amazed how good the omelets that Brittany made were. She was also very nervous about Quinn seeing her scars for the first time.

The housekeeper noticed Santana's nervousness.

"Santana, calm down. Quinn is your friend. Maybe she will be freaked at first. But I think she will still love you." Brittany said in a sweet calming voice.

"I hope she will be ok with me."

Santana went up to the upstairs bathroom to shower. She took off the long sleeved shirt and sweat pants that she had slept in. The right side of body from her neck down to her mid thigh had various angry ropy scars. In the first few months of recovery, her body had ached. Now whenever she changed clothes, she did her best to avoid looking at the scars. As she removed her bra she felt some of the thick scars on her breast and underarm.

The brunette walked into the walk in shower and adjusted the water temperature. She used her shower time to relax a bit. She got out dried off, dressed, and did her hair.

As she left her bedroom, she heard the doorbell.

Brittany answered the door.

Santana came down the stairs nervously. She saw Quinn's beautiful face with a smile. But she noticed sadness in Quinn's eyes.

"Hi Quinn" Santana said nervously.

Quinn walked up to her and hugged her.

"I'm so glad you survived and you are back home. I promise to help you out any way I can" Quinn said.

Brittany smiled as she watched the two friends. After a couple of minutes she headed up to the guest room to get started painting the room.

* * *

Santana and Quinn sat in the living room drinking tea and gossiping about other friends.

"Brittany seems nice." Quinn said after a taking a sip of tea.

"She is. Her uncle is one of the partners at my mom's firm. She is attending Lima Community College." Santana said.

Quinn sensed that her friend has a crush on the housekeeper.

"So what are your plans now that you are back in the good ole USA?" Quinn asked.

"I don't know. My mom is encouraging to me take the LSAT and maybe apply to law school. Maybe I will put my English degree to use and maybe do some technical writing from home." Santana said.

"I'm sure you will figure something out. I think Puck might be proposing to me soon. Early this morning, I heard him talking to Finn on the phone about a jewelry store." Quinn said.

Santana smiled when she heard that. She wanted her best friend to be happy.

"That's good. I hope it happens. You deserve to be happy." The brunette said.

"With how the world is changing, maybe someday soon you will be married to some lucky lady." Quinn teased.

"The world is changing. But I doubt some woman will want to be with a scarface like me." Santana said.

Quinn stayed quiet for a few moments before changing the subject.

A few hours Quinn left. Santana was up in her room reading a book. She heard Brittany yell from the hallway that she was going to take a shower to get some paint out of her hair. Santana came out of her room minutes later and she was happy to see that the bathroom door wasn't completely closed Through a crack she secretly watched Brittany naked. The blonde's body was perfect in Santana's eyes. Her body was well toned and Santana loved Brittany's pink nipples. She watched as Brittany stepped into the shower and closed the shower door.


	3. Chapter 3

Damaged Chapter 3

It had been a few hours since Brittany left the Lopez home. Santana couldn't stop thinking about her. She loved the blonde's body. She then thought about her own body which was scarred. Santana had gained some weight over the past several months. She decided to start working out again and get her body back to a healthy weight. She was glad her mom had purchased several pieces of exercise equipment over the years. She found some workout clothes and headed down the basement where the equipment was.

She exercised for close to an hour. She went to the upstairs bathroom and grabbed a towel to wipe off the sweat from her body. It was in the bathroom that she saw an unfamiliar green hair brush. She realized Brittany must have left it behind. Brittany would be coming back on Monday to work. It was night time and Santana decided to drive over to Brittany's to take the brush. She went downstairs and looked through her mom's address book and found Brittany's address. She went back upstairs to shower and get ready.

She got in the car that belonged to her father. She actually liked taking a drive around Lima. She noticed what had changed in the town since she had been gone. As she was turning onto Brittany's street, she then remembered about Brittany's grandmother. She parked on the curb near the house. She was nervous about someone other Brittany seeing her. But she decided to risk it.

She walked up to the door with the brush in hand. She rung the doorbell a couple of times.

An elderly woman with beautiful silver hair answered.

"Hi can I help you?" The woman answered.

"Umm yes I'm Santana Lopez, Maribel's daughter. Brittany left something at the house I was just returning it" The brunette said.

"Come in dear. I'm Evelyn Pierce. The elderly woman said.

Santana entered the house and Brittany came down the stairs.

"Oh hi Santana." Brittany said.

"You left this at the house. I figured I would get it to you since you aren't working tomorrow." The brunette said handing the brush over.

"Thanks. Would you like some coffee?" The blonde asked.

"Umm sure".

Santana followed Brittany and Evelyn into the kitchen. The brunette noticed that Evelyn had her hand on Brittany's shoulder. Santana and Evelyn sat at the table while Brittany made the coffee.

She placed three mugs of coffee on the table.

She told Evelyn, "Grandma be careful the coffee is hot and I placed it right in front of you."

Santana thought it was odd that Brittany did that.

The three chatted for 20 minutes. Evelyn asked Santana about her military service and other questions.

Evelyn then got up from the table and said "I'm heading to bed. It was good to meet you Santana."

"Do you need help Grandma? Remember your night gowns are in the top drawer" Brittany said.

"I'll be fine Brittany. If I need help I will holler."

"Good night girls.

"Good night" Santana said.

A few minutes later, in a lower voice Santana said, "Your grandmother is nice. She didn't get freaked out by my scars. I guess she is like you."

"Well, my grandma has lost a lot of her vision because of cataracts. She can only see shadows." Brittany said.

"Oh I'm sorry. I didn't know"

"It's ok. Some people don't notice her vision problems at times." The blonde replied.

"I should be heading out. I'll see you on Monday." Santana said.

Brittany said bye to Santana and watched from the front window as the brunette drove away. She was slightly surprised that Santana came to bring the brush. But she then realized it was night time and maybe the scarred woman felt comfortable being out at night.

* * *

As Santana was heading home, she noticed "Mel's Ice Cream" stand. The ice cream stand was popular in Lima. She hadn't eaten ice cream from there in years. She remembered that she brought a silk scarf with her. She pulled over to the stand wrapped the scarf around her face. She went up to the stand and placed her order. The cashier looked at her weird and then went to prepare Santana's order. As she waited for her ice cream she heard footsteps coming towards her.

"Oh great, other people will see me" She thought to herself.

The cashier then came back to the window and handed Santana her ice cream cone.

The brunette walked away quickly. She ate her ice cream in her car and then drove back home.

As she walked into her home, she heard her mom say "Where did you go mija?"

"Oh Brittany left her hair brush here. I figured since it was night I would drive over and take it to her." Santana said.

"That was nice of you. Do you have a crush on Brittany?" Maribel asked.

"Ugh no." Santana said as she went upstairs.

Maribel knew her daughter was lying. She had accepted her daughter's sexuality years before and she wished that her daughter would eventually settle down. But the fact that her daughter had an attraction to Brittany worried her. There was the 6 year age difference and the fact that Santana was still recovering emotionally and physically from war injuries.

* * *

Monday came along and Santana was happy that Brittany would be working. The blonde went back to finish painting the guest room. Santana made some lemonade and took it up to the blonde.

"I made some lemonade" She said as she entered.

The housekeeper then put down the rolling brush and smiled as Santana handed her the tall glass. She took a sip and then sat down the floor to take a break. She motioned for Santana to sit with her. The brunette did so.

"This lemonade tastes good" Brittany said.

Santana nodded and she leaned in to Brittany and kissed her. Brittany kissed her back for a couple of minutes before Santana pulled away.

"I'm so sorry. I shouldn't have done that." The brunette said in a panicking voice as she got up.

"It is ok." Brittany said as she came up to Santana from behind and hugged her.

"Are you gay or bi?" The brunette asked.

"Bi" Brittany said.

Santana turned around and hugged Brittany. Brittany then began kissing Santana and gently pushed her against a wall. They continued making out for several minutes and then Brittany attempted to take off Santana's shirt. Out of fear, Santana swatted Brittany's hand away from her shirt.

"Don't do that. My body is ugly." She said as she ran out of the guest room. Brittany ran after her. Santana went into her bedroom locked the door and cried on the bed.

"Santana let me in." Brittany said from the doorway.

"Go away Brittany" Santana said.


	4. Chapter 4

**Author's Note**

**Hi everyone. Again thank you all for the well wishes. I started working on Chapter 4 on Tuesday. Surgery went well on Wednesday. I finished up chapter 4 earlier this morning. My goal is to have next chapter up by Sunday. **

* * *

Damaged Chapter 4

Brittany finished up her work in the guest room. She was sad about the incident with Santana. She quietly left the Lopez house and headed home. Back at the Lopez residence, Santana had been crying heavily. She heard her mother enter the house and call out her name. Earlier in the day Maribel said they would have a Chinese food takeout night. Santana went into bathroom and washed her face. She headed downstairs and say her mom putting the takeout boxes on the table.

"Hey Santana. How was your day? Did Brittany finish up the guest room?" Maribel asked.

"Yeah she did." Santana said as she sat down and opened up her takeout box.

"Is something wrong mija?" Maribel asked.

"Nothing is wrong. Santana lied. She didn't want her mother to know about her kiss with Brittany. She knew her mother would disapprove of her getting involved with someone younger.

The two chatted about other things. Santana at times tried her best to pay attention to what her mother was saying, but her mind kept going back to Brittany.

* * *

Brittany wasn't scheduled to work the next day. Maribel had gone out of town for work. Santana was glad for the timing, she decided to go over to Brittany's to apologize. She waited until it was dark. She pulled up to Brittany's house and went up to the door.

Brittany answered, "Santana, umm what are you doing here?"

"I came to apologize about yesterday. I shouldn't have done that."

"It is ok. Well I shouldn't have tried to take off your shirt. I'm sorry." Brittany said in a very kind voice.

"I have an attraction to you Brittany. I'm not sure if a relationship could work for us."

"Maybe we could take things slow."

"Yeah we could do that. I don't want my mom to know about us yet." Santana said.

Brittany nodded and went over and hugged Santana.

"Do you want to come in? A friend of mine from school is here though" Brittany asked.

"Umm no, I'm still worried about being around strangers. I'm sorry Britt."

"It's ok. I understand."

"I'll get going.

Brittany then went up and lightly kissed the brunette on the lips.

The two said bye and Brittany went back into the house. In the living room, her friend Tina Cohen-Chang was sitting on the sofa with textbooks and notes. Tina had become friends and study partners with Brittany.

"What took you so long?" The Asian woman asked.

"I guess you will be the first to know that I'm dating someone. Her name is Santana and she is the daughter of my boss." Brittany said.

"Tell me more. I hope you don't get trouble for dating your boss's daughter." Tina teased.

"It's complicated situation. Santana was injured in Iraq. There was a roadside bomb and she has scars on her face and other parts of her body. She still isn't comfortable with how she is. We are just going to take things slow.

* * *

The next day, Brittany arrived at the Lopez house to do so some work and get money and others things needed for errands. Santana was down in the basement working out. She was wearing a tank top. She then forgot about Brittany. Luckily she had a towel downstairs with her. She covered her scars with the towel as she went up the stairs.

"Hi sweetie." Brittany said as put her arms around Santana. She expected Santana to drop the towel around her upper body, but the brunette didn't.

"I'm going to take a shower and get changed." Santana said.

She went up to the bathroom to showered and she changed into jeans and a long sleeve shirt. When she went down stairs she found Brittany making breakfast. She went up behind the blonde and hugged her and nibbled a bit on her neck. Brittany smiled as she felt that.

The two ate breakfast. Santana decided that she needed to know more about Brittany.

"Britt, tell me about your family.

"My mom and dad only had me and my sister Jenna. She is 12. My mom died when I was 14/. Brittany said.

"Oh I'm so sorry Brittany" Can I ask how it happened. Santana said. She knew how it painful it had been to lose parent and it was something she and the blonde had in common.

"It was in a car accident. A drunk driver hit her." Brittany said with a tone of sadness.

Rage started to fill up inside Santana. She hated that someone's irresponsibility had robbed two girls of their mother. She put her hand onto of Brittany's.

The blonde smiled at that.

"What was your mom like?"

Brittany looked down for several seconds and then said, "She was very sweet. She was the one who taught me to dance. She wanted to be a dancer and a choreographer. But she decided not to after my dad proposed. She ended becoming a hairdresser and she had her own salon."

* * *

The two chatted about various things throughout the day. Santana hated when Brittany had to go run errands. Brittany went to the community college to turn in a paper to a professor. She saw Artie wheeling through the courtyard.

He rolled up to her, "Hi Brittany, you're just who I was looking for."

"What's up Artie?" She said.

"I was just named assistant director of LCC's upcoming production of West Side Story. I need dancers and I asked Tina and she said yes. Would you like to be one of the dancers?" He asked.

"Umm yeah I guess." She said.

She was thrilled at the idea of dancing in the musical. She danced any chance she got.

"Ok cool. Rehearsals will start next week." Artie said.

Brittany headed back to Santana's and told her about West Side Story. Santana was happy that Brittany was going to be one of the dancers. She could tell that Brittany loved dancing. But she also wondered if she would be brave enough to go out and see Brittany perform. Brittany also wondered if Santana would go.

* * *

Over the next week, the two women texted each other and sometimes Santana would lie about going over to Quinn's, but she would really go over to Brittany's house at night. Eventually Maribel figured out that her daughter was dating Brittany. She questioned Brittany one night about it.

"Umm no we aren't dating." Santana said nervously.

"San, I know you are lying. It's ok. I don't mind if you are dating Brittany. You are both adults. Just be careful because both of you are in different stages of your lives." Maribel said kindly.

Santana smiled at her mom.

"I'm glad you aren't mad." Santana said.

"I'm a bit worried. But as long as you are happy, that is what matters." Maribel said.

* * *

Santana told Brittany that Maribel figured out that they were dating. The blonde was relived that Maribel was supportive of their relationship. Brittany had told her father that she was seeing someone, but she didn't go into further detail. One weekend Brittany's uncle Dan decided to take her grandmother for a visit to relatives in Columbus. Brittany would have the house to herself. She invited Santana on Friday night for a movie night.

Santana showed up and was making popcorn in the kitchen, while Brittany was looking through DVDs. The doorbell rang and Brittany immediately wondered who it could be.

She opened the door was surprised to see her father Adam Pierce and her sister Jenna.

"Dad what are you doing here?" She said nervously. She had not told him about Santana's scars.

"Well since Uncle Dan and Grandma went out of town. Jenna and I wanted to surprise you." He said.

Jenna went up and hugged her big sister.

"Hey sweetie" Brittany said.

In the kitchen, Santana had heard everything. She was nervous about being introduced to Brittany's dad and sister. A couple of minutes later, Brittany, her dad, and sister walked into the kitchen.

Santana saw looks of shock on Brittany's father's face and the sister looked a bit scared.

"Dad, Jenna this is Santana Lopez. Maribel's daughter. We are dating."

Santana wasn't sure how to respond.


	5. Chapter 5

Damaged Chapter 5

Adam Pierce was shocked by his daughter's very recent revelations. He recalled that his brother Dan saying something about Maribel's daughter being injured in Iraq, but Dan never said the specifics. He starred a bit at the thick scars on the right side of Santana's face.

He nervously held out his hand and said, "I'm Adam Pierce, nice to meet you. Call me Adam"

Santana also nervous shook the older man's hand and said, "Thank you, nice to meet you too. It is good to meet some of Brittany's other family members."

Brittany noticed that her sister was shaken up by Santana's scars. She then said, "This is my little sister, Jenna".

Santana then held out her hand and said, "Hi there, it's nice to meet you. Brittany has told me a lot about you."

Jenna responded, "Umm hi."

Santana observed the young girl. She looked a lot like Brittany and had the same piercing blue eyes. The girl was a shorter than Brittany though.

Brittany spoke up and said, "Santana and I were going to watch some movies. I can cook up some dinner."

"We stopped to eat on the way." Adam said to his daughter.

"About we have some coffee and talk." Brittany said.

Adam and Santana nodded in agreement.

Twenty minutes later, the four were at the table drinking coffee. Jenna sometimes took quick glances at Santana's scars. The girl was curious about Santana. She felt bad for the woman.

Adam decided to break the ice and he said, "I remember my brother saying you were injured in Iraq. Was that what caused your your…?"

"Umm yeah." Santana responded.

"I was riding in a Humvee with my squad. A roadside bomb went off.

She felt tears forming, but managed not to break down.

"I'm so sorry about what happened. People like you always my respect. I mean military members" Adam said trying to not target Santana because of her injuries.

Santana said, "Thank you."

* * *

The four chatted about things for awhile. Brittany mentioned that she was going to be a dancer in the West Side Story production at LCC.

Adam responded, "Well I guess that will be ok since you love dancing. I just hope your coursework doesn't hurt because of it."

Brittany knew her father wanted the best for her, but she hated his dislike of her desire to dance professionally.

She saw her father looking towards Santana.

He said, "So Santana what are your plans now that you are out of the Army?"

"I'm not sure. I weighing different career possibilities. I'm thinking about going into law like my mom and I'm also thinking about having a writing related career. Santana said.

He said, "I hope you can rub off on Brittany, maybe you will able to get the idea of being a professional dancer out of her head."

Santana didn't respond. She already knew that Adam disapproved of Brittany's dream.

* * *

Brittany and Santana were outside at Santana's car.

"I'm sorry about what happened to our movie night" Brittany said.

"It's ok, you didn't know that your dad and sister were going to drop in on you." Santana said as she stroked Brittany's cheek.

"I'm also sorry that Jenna was freaked out by you. I'm sure she will like you, once she gets to know you more." The blond said.

"Yeah, I think so too. About you come over on Sunday night. My mom is going out of town for work. We could have a movie night there." Santana said.

"Oh, that won't work. I have dance rehearsals." Brittany said.

She saw the look of disappointment on the brunette's face.

"Maybe you could come and watch me dance. Artie is ok with people sitting in on rehearsals. Tina's boyfriend Mike has gone a couple of times

Santana responded, "I don't know Britt. Tonight showed that I'm still not ready to be around a lot of people. When I was in the hospitals, I was ok being around the nurses and doctors because they are around people like me all the time."

Brittany nodded. She understood her girlfriend's fears, but she wanted Santana to step out more in order to improve their relationship. She then spoke up.

"At the drama department there are some masks that you could wear one while we rehearse." Brittany said.

Santana almost wanted to laugh at Brittany's idea, it reminded her of The Phantom of the Opera.

She looked at the blonde and "I'll think about it."

The two then kissed and Santana headed home.

* * *

She was relieved that things went a bit smoothly with Brittany's dad. While lying in bed, she thought about Brittany's idea about the mask. Even though she thought it was a bit ridiculous, she realized she needed to be there more for Brittany. She decided that seeing Brittany rehearse would be enough. The idea of going to see the musical scared her. Going to rehearsals would be a make for not going to the show.

The next day, she texted Brittany and said she would do the mask plan. Brittany spent Saturday with her dad and sister. On Sunday morning, Adam and Jenna awoke early and loaded up their luggage.

Adam pulled his older daughter and aside, "Brittany, I want you to be careful now that you are in relationship, especially with someone older and someone who has been through something traumatic. Sweetie, a lot of times people who came back from war have a lot of mental scars. Be careful around Santana."

Brittany was a bit shocked about what her dad said, "Dad, Santana seems fine."

"Well sweetie, just be careful." He said before hugging her.

"I will. I'm glad that you supportive of my relationship with Santana." She said.

"I don't know if Santana is going to be your true love. But I want you to be happy with her, whether it lasts or not." Adam said.

Brittany and her dad went outside. Jenna was already there. Brittany said goodbye to her father and sister.

* * *

Several hours later, she heard Santana's car pull up. She got in. The two headed to the studio at LCC. Their plan was that Brittany would go in first and tell her friends about the mask plan. She would then a get a mask and take it back to Santana.

They pulled up to the parking lot. Despite the mask plan, Santana was still nervous. She had images of the mask falling off and Brittany's friends being repulsed.

Brittany entered and everyone greeted her.

"I have to tell you all something. My girlfriend Santana is out in the parking lot. As some of you know she has scars on her face. I have the idea of her wearing a mask and watching rehearsals. I hope this ok with everyone.

Tina, Artie, and a few other dancers and cast members Mercedes, Sam, and several others nodded in support of Brittany. Artie then helped Brittany pick out a simple white mask.

She went back to the parking lot and got into the car. She handed the mask to Santana who put in on. Santana pulled over her hood. She and Brittany walked hand in hand into the studio.

Brittany's friends greeted Santana in a warm manner. But all of them were curious about how Santana looked.

Santana saw friendly smiles on the faces of the people in the room. But she could also tell that they were curious and she noticed that their eyes showed concern.

The rehearsals started. Santana sat quietly and watched at how graceful Brittany was with her dance moves. Rehearsal ended an hour later.

Brittany went over to her girlfriend. She kind of liked the mask look. She liked how Santana's brown eyes peaked out of the eye holes.

"What did you think?" She asked the brunette.

"It was beautiful. You are talented. Too bad your dad can't see that you're talented. She hugged Brittany.


	6. Chapter 6

Damaged Chapter 6

It was the day after the dance rehearsal, Santana had enjoyed watching her girlfriend dance. She was glad when Artie invited her back and told her it was ok if she wore the mask again. He also allowed her to keep the mask. Santana recalled her encounters with Brittany's friends. Tina and her boyfriend Mike Chang were the first to greet her.

_Mercedes Jones and Sam Evans were the next ones._

"_I'm Mercedes Jones. Your girl is a brilliant dancer, you must be so proud." The black woman said._

_Santana smiled underneath the mask and said, "It is nice to meet you. Well this is first time, I have seen Brittany dance."_

_Sam, the tall blonde held out his hand and said, "I'm Sam Evans, I have relatives who are war veterans and I respect you and them."_

_Santana shook his hand and said, "Thank you. I respect the veterans who came before me."_

_She was greeted by other cast members Sugar Motta, Joe Hart, Marley Rose, and Ryder Lynn._

Santana smiled at how Brittany's friends were nice to her, but a part of her wondered if they were only being nice to her too much out of pity.

Earlier in the morning, Santana received some good news. She got a temporary job which would allow her to write a technical manual from home. She liked that the temporary job would keep her a bit busy when Brittany wasn't around.

She decided to spend the rest of the day reading. Brittany wasn't scheduled for work, but she promised Santana that she would come over.

The brunette had been reading for an hour, when she heard the doorbell ring. She panicked. She went downstairs and looked through the front door peak hole and she saw the face of Lieutenant Matt Rutherford, one of her commanders during the war.

She opened the door was shocked. Matt's left arm was gone above the elbow. He was wearing a blue button down shirt and out of the left sleeve a prosthetic arm hook was visible.

"Lt. Rutherford. It is good to see you. What are you doing here? Please come in" She said.

The two went into the living room and sat down.

"Well Sgt. Lopez, It is also good to see you. I see that some of your injuries have been fixed up a bit. Three months ago, I was also hit by a roadside bomb. Lost this arm. Since my military career is over. I decided to make sure that the surviving soldiers that were under my command are doing ok." Rutherford said.

"I have been doing great." Santana said even though she knew it was a lie. She had occasional nightmares and she still wasn't ok with her disfigured appearance.

Rutherford suspected that she was lying. "You know soldier, it is ok to admit that you might need help. We went through hell over there and sadly some of us have forever physical reminders."

"I'm doing fine Lieutenant really." The brunette said.

"That's good. Tell me what have you been up to?" The man said to appease Santana.

"I just got a temporary work from home job and I'm dating someone. I guess the dating part is miracle. She doesn't think I'm a freak." Santana said.

"Not everyone is going to think of us as freaks. I still have my wife in my life." Rutherford said.

"I know. But with me, I thought since being gay is tough enough, that other lesbians or bisexuals wouldn't want to be in a more difficult situation by dating me." Santana said.

"You and others face tough enough struggles and maybe this woman you are dating is very strong and knows she can handle some extra obstacles." He responded.

Santana nodded. Brittany was very strong and she wondered if her girlfriend's strength came from losing her mother.

"I consider myself lucky, when I was at Walter Reed, I meet a soldier who is paralyzed from the neck down. A sniper shot him in the back of the neck. After seeing him around the hospital, I figured that I'm lucky. My injury wasn't as severe. Also I know you and others are lucky too." Rutherford said.

Santana nodded. She knew Rutherford had a point. But she still dreaded most people seeing her face. Rutherford was already used to it. He had seen other disfigured and injured soldiers before.

"So you say that you are visiting your surviving soldiers. Who else have you seen?" Santana asked.

"You are the first one. My wife and I have decided to settle down in Cleveland. She has family there and we need a new start. I figured since you are here in Lima, it would be perfect to see you first. I will be visiting Griggs in Kentucky in a couple of weeks and I'm trying to find where the others are now living. I will also be visiting Hampton's family in Kentucky.

Santana froze when she heard the name Hampton. Hampton was Sgt. Jessica Hampton. Jessica was also a lesbian. She and Santana occasionally hooked up. They decided to have friends with a benefit relationship because they were in war. They cared for each other. Jessica was an attractive red head with green eyes. Santana then flashed back to Iraq.

_A few months before Santana was injured. Gunfire broke out on the streets. Santana found Jessica lying on the ground. She has been shot twice, in front of the neck and shoulder. The redhead was coughing up blood. Santana radioed for a medic._

"_Calm down Jess. You are going to be ok." She said stroking the injured woman's face. She tried to put pressure on the wounds. Jessica kept trying to speak, but couldn't because of her wounds. Finally, Jessica stopped breathing. Santana noticed it._

"_No no Jess come on." She said in tears as she cradled the woman's body._

_Minutes later, medics arrived and Santana told them that Jessica was gone. She looked down at Jessica's body and noticed that the woman had died with her eyes open. The beautiful green eyes had been frozen in fear. With her index and middle fingers, Santana closed Jessica's eyes._

"Are you ok Santana?" Rutherford said since he noticed Santana was in a trance state.

"Yeah I'm ok. I was just thinking about Hampton. She was a fine soldier." Santana said trying to hide her sadness.

"She was. I figured visiting her family might be good. I can tell them about how brave and kind their daughter was over there in Iraq. I better get going. I have to meet my wife in Westerville. We are buying furniture. It was good seeing you. Please if you need anything let me know. Even though our military careers are over, we can still support each other." Rutherford said.

"I will let you know. Thank you for coming to see me." Santana said.

"You're welcome. Take care of yourself" Rutherford said.

As soon as Rutherford left the house. Santana ran up to her bedroom and broke down crying. She cried over Jessica and the other friends she had lost.

* * *

Two days later, Santana was home alone. Maribel was gone on another work related trip. She invited Brittany over to hang out. The two were lying on her bed. They were making out and slowly Santana removed Brittany's shirt. A couple of minutes later, both women were naked. Brittany was a bit shocked at some of the scars on Santana's body. She had gotten used to the facial scars. But the body scars were new to her. Angry red burn scars were on Santana's torso, hip, and mid thigh. There were some white scars too. She noticed surgical incision scars near burn scars Santana's right breast that went down her side. There was another incision scar on her belly. She ignored the scars for awhile and continued kissing Santana. Eventually, she ended up underneath Santana.

The brunette put two of her fingers inside of Brittany. The blonde moaned and smiled slightly. Santana pleasured her that way for several minutes before she used her tongue and mouth to pleasure the blonde. Santana then sucked on Brittany's stomach and nibbled a bit on the blonde's pale breasts. Brittany then pleasured Santana with her mouth.

The brunette moaned joyfully. Brittany noticed a scar on Santana crotch and she had felt the thickness of it with her tongue.

* * *

Two hours later, both woman were lying in bed relaxing. Santana held Brittany against her. Brittany was on her left side. She was looking again closely at the scars on Santana's right breast. She put her hand on the scars and traced them with her fingers a bit.

The brunette noticed it and said, "You are curious about the scars, aren't you."

Brittany didn't respond.

"Its ok. These scars are still new to you."

Brittany asked in a soft voice, "When you got hurt was it very painful?"

"It was." Santana said as briefs flashes of memory popped into her head. She remembered hearing the bomb and the humvee skidding. She remembered the impact hitting her and burns happening to her. She remembered the very intense heat and shrapnel tearing her skin. Images and sounds of the chaotic transfer to the hospital in Germany played in her head.

She looked at Brittany who was now tracing the belly surgical incision scar.

"The incisions are from surgery to remove fragments." She said.

"I can't imagine how painful it must have been for you." Brittany said.

"I was heavily sedated for the first few weeks at the hospital in Germany. I kind of remember stuff from that time. I remember some of the pain. But my mom said that whenever I had pain, the nurses and doctors would give me medication. When the sedatives stopped and I fully woke up, some of the burns were painful for awhile. I had to wear special bandages and garments. I remember the bandages itching sometimes and whenever they were changed, special ointments were put on my wounds. They stung at first. But later the skin grafts and other surgeries helped with some of the pain." The brunette said.

Brittany stayed quiet for a moment and said, "I think your scars are like beauty marks. Beauty marks of survival."

Santana smiled at how nice her girlfriend was. She nodded in a way to please Brittany. But she still viewed her scars as hideous.

After awhile, Brittany was asleep in Santana's arms. Tears streamed down the brunette's face. She was partially happy by her and Brittany's first sexual experience, but she was still saddened by her scarred body. She was also saddened by her war experiences.


	7. Chapter 7

Damaged Chapter 7

A week had past since Brittany and Santana had slept together. Santana spent her days working on the technical manual and when Brittany arrived at her house, she would talk while Brittany cleaned and cooked. She had also gone to a couple of dance rehearsals and she wore the mask. She and Brittany were now on their way to another rehearsal. Brittany enjoyed Santana seeing her dance.

The couple pulled into the parking lot. Santana put on her mask right away. The two entered the studio.

"Sorry I'm late." Brittany said.

"It's ok, Britt. Let's get started." Artie said.

Rehearsals started and it became obvious that some were a bit fatigued by the rehearsals. Brittany did ok and didn't make too many mistakes. The rehearsal came to an end and Artie had a box on his lap.

"Everyone, I got the advanced cast and crew tickets here. Each of you will get five tickets to give to anyone you like. These tickets are for opening night." Artie said.

He began handing out the tickets. Brittany was the last to get hers. Santana was worried that Brittany would beg her to go to the show. Brittany's friends had become used to seeing the masked girl and Santana felt that they were ok with her wearing the mask. But she knew wearing a mask in a setting with more people would be weird and the mask plan wouldn't work.

Brittany walked over to where Santana was sitting.

"Ready to go?" She asked.

"Yeah."

The couple said bye to everyone and headed to the parking lot. As Brittany pulled out of the parking lot, Santana took off the mask and wipe off some of the sweat that often formed around her forehead.

* * *

The two headed back to Brittany's house.

They were up in her room. Brittany was going through her purse and again she pulled out the five tickets. She figured two would go to her Uncle Dan and her grandma. She wondered about the three other tickets. Her father probably wouldn't want to come and her younger sister had school. She wanted badly to give tickets to Maribel and Santana. Maribel was sometimes busy at night with work things. She knew her girlfriend would say no, but she decided to ask again.

She said softly, "Santana I know you still aren't comfortable with yourself and other people seeing your scars. But do you think you come see the show?"

Santana got nervous and said, "I don't think I can Britt."

Brittany decided to push a bit, "Maybe you could sit way in the back or something. I'm sure a lot of people won't get scared of you. Your scars aren't that bad."

When Santana heard those words, "Your scars aren't that bad." Something inside of her felt rage.

"My scars aren't bad?" She said in an angry tone.

"I don't think they are." Brittany said a bit scared of Santana.

"They are bad. They are fucking hideous. The pain when that fucking bomb went off was horrible. My right side of my face is horrible, it doesn't even matter that the other side is ok. I'm a freakshow for life. I'm not going to your stupid show." She screamed.

Brittany was in tears because of what was happening. She was frightened due to Santana's anger, but she decided to stand up for herself.

"Santana why are you being so selfish? I'm sorry that you were hurt and I know that it is tough to have those scars. But why can't you be more social. Some people aren't going to care about the scars." She said as she wiped tears from her face.

"They are going to care. Looks matter. I don't want to go and risk having some kid see me and start crying. That happened in the airport in California before I flew back here." She screamed.

Santana looked at Brittany and she saw the tears. But her anger was too much.

"I'm leaving" She said angrily.

Brittany stayed crying on her bed, eventually her grandmother came in and comforted her.

* * *

Santana drove around Lima. She didn't want to go home yet. As she was driving she came near a small bar called "Nick's Place. She thought if Brittany wanted her to be more social, she might as well drink while people see her scars.

She pulled in and parked the car. The bar wasn't too busy. As she walked in, she saw a couple stare at her. She went to up to the bar and told the very heavy set bartender that she wanted a beer.

She paid for her beer and started chugging it down fast. She looked around often and saw the other customers staring at her scars. She kept ordering drinks. Eventually the bartender said, "I think you have had enough."

"I'm still good. Besides drinking helps me forget about my fucked up face." She said.

The bartender hesitated for a moment and then gave Santana another beer.

She drank the beer and started to get dizzy. It had been awhile since she had drank this much.

* * *

Santana woke up with a headache and she heard birds chirping. She knew she was on a bed and she saw a yellow ceiling above her.

"You're awake." A soft voice said.

She sat herself up and saw Marley Rose standing in a corner. She was one of Brittany cast mates and friends.

"Marley, how did I get here?" She asked.

Nick's Place was originally my grandfather's bar. My mom now owns the bar and she was bar tending last night. Ryder and I help her out before closing up each night. When we came into the bar, you were talking about the war and I recognized your voice. Eventually you passed out and we brought you to my house." Marley said as kept walking closer to Santana.

Santana was worried that someone new had seen her face. Marley didn't looked scared.

"Thank you for helping me out. I hope I didn't freak you, your mom, and Ryder out." Santana said.

"You didn't. People often give my mom a hard time because of her weight. She has lost some weight over the past year. But she still gets certain looks. I'm sorry about what happened to you in the war. I heard you saying something about a bomb." Marley said.

"Yeah. A roadside bomb went off when I was riding in a humvee." Santana said.

"I didn't want to look through your purse. I didn't call anyone and I didn't know if I should call Brittany." Marley said.

"It's ok that you didn't call Brittany. She is probably pissed at me. We had a fight last night. She wants me to go see the show. But I'm still not ready yet." The scarred woman said.

"I can see where you coming from. Sometimes my mom doesn't like going to certain places outside the bar. But she gets the courage once in awhile because of me. She says that since I can sing and do these things that she shouldn't be stopped from watching me with other people." Marley said putting her hand on Santana's.

Santana was very touched by the younger woman's kindness. She was glad that Marley and Ryder got her out safely from the bar and prevented from driving.

"I guess I should get courage for Brittany's sake." Santana said.

Awhile later, Marley drove Santana back to the bar parking lot. Santana got in and drove home. She didn't feel good and she had headaches. Later that afternoon, Brittany came by for her shift.

Santana approached her, "Britt, I'm sorry about last night."

"I'm still mad at you. You scared me." Brittany said.

The blonde went off and started her cleaning duties.

* * *

The two didn't speak to each other for the next five days. Santana didn't know what to do. Brittany was still upset with Santana. A part of her wanted to forgive Santana for what she did. But she was still upset about how Santana yelled at her. It was the day of the opening for the show. Brittany asked for the day off. She and the other female cast members went out to lunch. Marley wanted to tell Brittany about Santana and what happened at the bar, but Santana made Marley promise not to say anything about it.

At lunch, Tina began asking her cast mates about who was coming to see them in the musical.

Brittany said, "Just my uncle and grandma."

"What about Santana?" Tina asked.

"She's not coming. I don't want to talk about it." The blond said a bit annoyed.

After lunch, Marley called Santana up. She heard Santana's voice say, "Hello".

"Hi Santana it's Marley." She responded.

"Marley, why are you calling?"

She then told Santana about what happened at lunch.

"Yeah, Brittany is still mad at me. I apologized but she won't talk to me when she comes to work here."

"Maybe you should think about coming to the show. I still have an extra ticket." Marley said.

"I don't know Marley." Santana said, even though she did wonder if going to show would help her and Brittany's situation.

"I think I have a plan." Marley said.

….

A few hours later, Santana was getting ready. She was wearing dress pants and a nice blue button down blouse. She put a silk scarf on her neck. She was nervous, but she knew she had to do this for Brittany. She drove to LCC auditorium. She pulled into a certain section of the auditorium. She waited and she then saw Marley's mother Millie Rose approach her car. Santana noticed the woman's very kind and beautiful smile that showed compassion.

Santana got out nervously.

"Hello Santana." The large woman said.

"Hello Mrs. Rose." Santana said.

"Call me Millie. I guess it's good to see you sober." She teased.

"I'm so nervous about going in there." Santana said.

"I know what you mean. I have had that feeling before, when I've attended events that Marley has sung at." Millie said.

"How do you do it?" Santana asked.

"You just hope for the best and hope that others aren't too focused on you, but on the show." Millie said.

"Are you ready to go in?" She asked Santana.

Santana nodded and the two headed into the auditorium people did stare. But Santana saw a few people smiling towards her. She thought the smiles might have been because of pity. She and Millie presented their tickets and took their seats. Santana noticed a little boy staring at her and the boy's father caught onto it and had the boy turn away quickly.

A voice then came over the PA system and said, "Lima Community College's production of West Side Story will begin in five minutes."

Santana then wondered how the rest of the night would go.


	8. Chapter 8

Damaged Chapter 8

The show started and Santana noticed that everyone around her was now focused on the stage. She then watched the whole show. She loved seeing Brittany perform flawlessly. The show came to an end and the auditorium was full of applause.

Millie turned to her, "Marley said that the after party will be starting at 9:30. We don't have to go right when it starts. We could wait awhile."

"It's better to go right when the party starts. I need to apologize again to Brittany right away." The brunette said.

Backstage, Marley watched Brittany carefully. She saw the blonde smiling widely and rubbing her legs and feet after the tiring show. She saw the smile as a good sign that Brittany was in a good mood. A good mood would help Brittany take to Santana again. Everyone changed out of their costumes. Caterers set up the food and beverages.

Millie and Santana slowly approached the backstage area. Several people also heading to the party were a bit spooked by Santana's appearance. She did her best to ignore that stuff. They entered the party area and Santana saw Brittany way in the back talking with Mercedes and Tina.

Slowly she approached them. Brittany saw her coming and was surprised that Santana was there without the mask. Tina and Mercedes noticed her as well. Both were a bit taken back by seeing Britt's girlfriend without the mask that hide the scars. Both felt sorry for Santana and they were amazed that she survived the roadside bomb.

"Hey Britt." Santana said as she got close to the group.

"Santana you came." Brittany said still shocked.

"Yeah." her girlfriend responded.

Santana then acknowledged Tina and Mercedes, "I guess it is nice to meet you two without my mask. I hope that I'm not frightening you too. "

Tina stuttered nervously, "You aren't. It is good that you came to the show."

Mercedes nodded and smiled. She said, "Your girlfriend was the best dancer out there tonight."

The two went off leaving Santana and Brittany alone to talk.

"I want to apologize to you again Brittany. I shouldn't have flipped out and scared you like that. You have been so kind to me. I'm sorry." Santana said.

Brittany stayed quiet for a couple of moments and then said in a soft voice, "Sweetie, I forgive you. I shouldn't have pushed you like I did. I'm here to help you and I love you."

She then went up and hugged Santana and kissed her forehead.

Santana smiled and said, "I love you too."

From afar, Marley, Millie, and Ryder watched the scene. Marley was glad that her plan seemed to work out for her friends.

Brittany then asked, "What changed your mind about coming here? I'm proud of you. I just want to know how you decided to come.

The brunette then told her about the bar, Marley, and her mom. Later on in the party, Brittany thanked the mother and daughter.

"It was no problem. I knew you two needed to be helped because I know that you both love each other very much." Marley said.

* * *

Two weeks passed since the show, things were on up for Brittany and Santana. Slowly, Santana was becoming more at ease with being in public. She had hung out with Brittany and her friends a few times. Santana invited Brittany for a weekend getaway to her family cabin which was near Westerville.

The two pulled up to the secluded cabin. Brittany was excited about the weekend. She brought several board games, a small DVD player, DVDs, and a couple of books. When they walked into the cabin, Santana made a fire in the fireplace. Brittany put away some food. She noticed the sparks coming out of the fireplace.

"Santana there are sparks coming out of the fireplace." She called out.

Santana came into the living room and saw the sparks. The sight of the sparks somehow reminded her of gunfire and explosions. Images of the war popped up into her head. She took a fireplace poker and and calmed the fire a bit. She started to shake as she did it.

Brittany noticed the shaking and asked, "Are you ok Santana?"

"Yeah I'm fine. I'm going to go lay down." She responded.

Brittany stayed in the living room and started reading a book. An hour later, she heard screaming. She went into the bedroom and found Santana thrashing on the bed like she was having a nightmare.

Santana kept saying, "No Jessica."

Brittany sat on the side of the bed and put her hands on Santana's shoulders and said.

"Santana you are having a nightmare. Wake up."

The brunette kept shaking and thrashing around, she eventually woke up and saw Brittany sitting on the bed. She was crying. Brittany tried to comfort her, but Santana pushed her aside. She regained her composure after several minutes.

"I'm fine Brittany. Let's just forget about this."

* * *

The rest of the weekend went fine. But Brittany was still worried. She recalled what her father said about veterans having emotional scars and trauma. She also wondered about the Jessica that Santana mentioned while she had the nightmare. She figured that Jessica was someone from the war. She wondered if Jessica was alive or not.

The couple arrived back in Lima. Santana dropped off Brittany and headed home. The brunette hoped that Brittany would forget about the nightmare incident. She didn't want Brittany to feel more pity for her. Her physical scars were already enough for others to deal with and she didn't want emotional scars to add to the burden.

She went into her bedroom and pulled out a shoebox from the closet. The particular shoebox contained pictures of her military days. Pictures of her and fellow soldiers were in it. She came across a picture of her and Jessica. Both were wearing the tent sitting on a bed. Both were wearing camo pants and green shirts. Santana remembered how they enjoyed their down time in Iraq. She then looked at pictures of herself with other soldiers who are now dead or disabled. Santana closed the shoebox and took it downstairs. She threw in a trash can.

She thought to herself, "It's best that I throw those pictures away, it will make it easier to forget about the war and some of the things that happened over there."


	9. Chapter 9

Damaged Chapter 9

A few weeks had past since the incident at the cabin. Throwing away the pictures of her military life did help Santana a bit. She stopped having nightmares and did her best not to think about the war. Thanksgiving happened during that time and Brittany went to Indiana to spend it with her dad and sister. Christmas was approaching soon. Santana looked all over the Internet trying to find the perfect gift for Brittany. The semester finished up at Lima Community College and that meant Brittany had extra time for her girlfriend. She spent extra time at the Lopez house.

The couple spent their free time watching movies, playing dance video games, and sometimes they had sex. One Saturday afternoon, Santana was making lunch and waiting for Brittany to come by. The blonde was running late, but Santana wasn't bothered.

She later heard the front door open and went out to greet Brittany. She immediately noticed it looked like Brittany had been crying. Her eyes were red and there was sadness in them.

"Britt Britt what's wrong?" She asked.

Brittany started and crying and through her tears she said, "You remember how I told you that my mom was killed by a drunk driver."

Santana nodded as took Brittany's hand.

Brittany wiped her tears with her free hand and said, "Earlier my dad called and said the drunk driver wants to meet with us to apologize. The driver's name is Scott Frederick. He served three years in prison. He got out a couple of years and now all of sudden he wants to meet with us. My dad thinks we should meet with him, so we can forgive him. I can't Santana. He killed my mom. I try to be a good person, but I can't forgive the man who killed my mom.

She then broke down crying. Santana took Brittany and guided her into the living room. The two sat down on the couch and Santana held the crying blonde her arms. She rubbed circles on her girlfriend's back.

"Shh, you don't have to forgive that man. Its ok Brittany. He took some important from you because he chose to drive drunk." Santana said.

Brittany simply nodded. The blonde thought back to the day of her mom's death.

"_It was a Saturday morning. Brittany had a dance recital the next day. She had been in dance classes since she was 3. Her earliest memories had been of her mom teaching her dance in the family home. Every Saturday morning, Kathleen Pierce cooked a big breakfast for her family. She loved doing it because during the week everyone was in rush in the mornings._

_Brittany came down to the kitchen and said, "Good morning mom."_

_Kathleen said, "Good morning baby. Is she Jenna still asleep?"_

"_Yeah she is." Brittany said as she poured herself a cup of apple juice._

"_I'm going to costume shop to pick your costume for tomorrow. Do you want to come?" Kathleen said._

"_No, I think I'll stay here and practice in the basement for tomorrow." The young blonde said. _

"_Britt you don't need to practice. You are already a perfect dancer." The mother said._

"_I always get nervous the day before a recital." Brittany responded._

_Several hours later, Adam Pierce answered the ringing phone. He went up to upstairs and yelled out, "Jenna, Brittany we need to go. Mom has been in an accident."_

_The two girls were immediately shocked and then followed their father to his car and they drove to the hospital. They came into the lobby._

"_Brittany stay here with your sister. I'm going to go see how your mom is doing." Adam said._

_Jenna was crying and she said, "Brittany please tell me, Mom will be ok."_

"_I hope so" Brittany said._

_Twenty minutes later, Adam returned. Tears were streaming down his face. He went up to his daughters and kneeled down._

"_Girls, Mom is gone. She died soon after she was brought in. The doctors tried to save her." He said._

_Jenna started screaming, "No, please she can't be gone."_

_Brittany was in shock. Her father picked up Jenna and held her._

_A few hours later, Brittany and her father went into the trauma room where Kathleen's body was being held before being taken to the morgue._

_Brittany saw blood in her mother's blonde hair. Cuts covered the woman's face. _

Brittany was brought back to the present as Santana got up gently and went into the kitchen. Moments later, Santana came back with a glass of water.

"Here drink this to calm down." Santana said.

Brittany took the glass and got a sip from it.

Santana said, "Britt, remember you don't have to meet with Scott. You have a good reason not to want to see that bastard's face."

Brittany just nodded and said, "I know. I'm mad at my dad for even suggesting that we forgive Scott."

Santana unsure of what to do said, "How about we go watch a movie in my room."

The two headed up to Santana's room. Brittany was unable to watch the movie and ended up crying herself to sleep. Santana covered her with a blanket and watched her sleep. She felt Brittany's pain and wished she could take it all away.

* * *

A few days went by. Quinn came by for visit. She was going to help Santana pick out gifts for Brittany. The two looked at various websites and Quinn gave suggestions.

Quinn asked, "Will you and Brittany be spending Christmas together?"

"We are. Brittany's dad and sister are coming into town. But Brittany will be staying here though. She is upset with her dad because he wants to forgive the drunk driver who killed Brittany's mom." Santana said.

"That must be hard. But I think Brittany should spend part of her Christmas with her family." Quinn said.

"I know and I've told her that. I don't know how I can help her though. She has helped me with a lot of things." Santana said.

"Just encourage her to see her dad and maybe Brittany should forgive the man who killed her mom." Quinn said.

"I don't know if she should. Forgiveness is a complicated thing. I was in a war and I killed people and others killed some of my closest friends." Santana said.

Quinn didn't respond. She didn't know how to respond to Santana talking about killing and war.

* * *

Christmas Eve came around. Brittany was enjoying spending it Santana and Maribel. They opened gifts that night since the Lopez family preferred that. Brittany was happy with different gifts Santana gave her, a pretty gem bracelet, a Just Dance 4 video game, a makeup set, and a gift certificate for iTunes.

She and the Lopez women were in the middle of a game of Scrabble when the door bell rang.

Maribel went to the door and said, "Hello."

Adam Pierce was on the door step and said, "Hello, you must be Maribel Lopez, I'm Adam Pierce, I want to speak to Brittany."

Maribel was unsure of what to do.


	10. Chapter 10

Damaged Chapter 10

Maribel looked at Adam for a few moments and then said, "Come in. It's good to meet you. Brittany has told me a lot about you."

Brittany had heard her father's voice from the living room. She and Santana went to the entrance.

Adam said, "Hello Santana. Hello Brittany. Brittany about we go out to my car and talk for awhile."

"Dad I don't feel like talking." Brittany said.

"Sweetheart please. I'm your father and I want us to have some peace over the holidays." Adam pleaded.

Brittany said, "Ok."

Maribel then spoke up, "Why don't you two stay in here and talk? Santana and I will go upstairs.

The older woman then motioned for her daughter to go up with her.

They walked upstairs to Maribel's bedroom.

As she closed the door, Santana said, "I can't believe he came. I hope he doesn't hurt Brittany. He needs to realize that Brittany doesn't want to forgive the bastard who drove drunk and killed her mom."

Maribel said, "Mija sometimes forgiveness is needed in order to heal. Grudges aren't healthy. It is terrible that Brittany's mother was killed by a drunk driver. That pain will never go away completely. Santana, I know you are angry too about the war. I hope you forgive people who hurt you too. When you are parent, you always want to find ways to help your child heal when they are hurt. Brittany's father wants her to heal."

* * *

Downstairs, Brittany and Adam were seating at the kitchen table.

"How is Jenna doing?" Brittany asked.

"She is doing ok. She is a bit sad that you are staying here at Santana's for Christmas." Adam replied.

Brittany didn't say anything else, she wanted to avoid the topic of Scott Frederick.

Adam placed his hands over his daughter's hands and said, "Brittany, we need to talk about Scott. I talked to his parole officer and he said that Scott has done very well since his release. He attends AA meetings and he visits high schools and colleges talking about the accident. He is committed to speaking out against drunk driving. "

"That doesn't take away from the fact that Mom is dead. Don't you still love you her? You are betraying her." Brittany said in an angry voice.

"I will never stop loving your mother. She gave me you and Jenna. We had a good life together. It wasn't the fifty plus years we hoped it would be. But I'm still grateful that she was in my life. Brittany sweetie, I need to forgive Scott because your mother would have wanted me too. She was the kindest and gentlest person I knew. I remember when you and her rescued Lord Tubbington as a kitten." Adam said.

The mention of that incident brought tears to Brittany's eyes. When she was 10, she and her parents were at a heard meowing coming from pipes near the park. She told her parents about it. Adam was hesitant about rescuing an animal. Kathleen and Brittany rescued the three week old Lord Tubbington by luring him with turkey scraps from their picnic basket. They then nursed the frail underweight kitten to health and made him apart of their family.

Brittany wiped her tears as she remembered those things.

Adam put his arm around his daughter. She cried for a bit.

She calmed down and said, "Dad I don't know if I can forgive Scott. I don't want to betray Mom."

"You won't be betraying your mom. Remember what I said about your mother being a very kind and gentle person. Those traits are both inside of you and Jenna. Your mother would be very proud of both of you."

Adam then got up from the table and said, "It is getting late. I'm going to head back to Grandma's. You can go over tomorrow if you want. Jenna will be happy to see you. You can invite Maribel and Santana too. Brittany it is your choice to forgive Scott. Jenna and I will be meeting with him on January 3rd in Fort Wayne." Adam said.

* * *

After Adam left. Maribel and Santana came back downstairs.

Brittany was still a bit upset because of the conversation with her father.

Santana went and hugged her.

"Are you ok Britt-Britt?" Santana asked.

Brittany nodded yes.

The blonde then said, "My dad and Jenna are going to meet up with Scott on January 3rd. My dad wants to forgive him because he thinks that is what my mom would have wanted. I don't know what to do."

"You don't have to forgive Scott." Santana said.

"I know I don't. But maybe my mom would have wanted me too. I'm still hurt that I don't have my mom here with me. She wasn't here for my prom, my high school graduation, and my dance events." Brittany said.

Maribel was seeing and hearing the heartache that Brittany had over her deceased mother.

She went up to Brittany and placed her hand on Brittany's cheek.

"Brittany, I know your mom can't be replaced. I want you to know that maybe I can be a mother figure to you. You are dating my daughter and you have helped her bit over the past few months. I'm offering to help you out in any way. You don't have to take me up on the offer. Just know that I'm here for you. I think your father wants the best for you and apart of wanting the best for you, is helping you heal. Forgiveness can help you too." Maribel said.

The blonde was touched by Maribel's kindness. She smiled and hugged Maribel.

"Thank you Maribel. I'm glad you have taken to me. I know you were worried for awhile because I'm younger than Santana." She said as she pulled out of the hug.

"The age difference doesn't bother me anymore. I want you two to be happy." The older Lopez woman said.

Santana was also grateful for her mother's kindness towards Brittany.

* * *

The next day, Brittany and the Lopez women were headed to Evelyn's. Santana felt happy. The year before, she was still in a veterans hospital recovering from her burns and other injuries. The pain was horrible. This year, there wasn't much physical pain. She still had pain because of her disfigurement, but Brittany had made things easier. The night before Brittany said she was going to try to forgive Scott. Santana felt Brittany's pain and she too wondered how someone could be forgiven for taking another life. Santana figured that the families of people who she killed in the war might not forgive her. She realized Brittany's situation was different.

Maribel pulled up her car near Evelyn's house. Brittany lead the Lopez women in. Dan and Maribel greeted each other right away. They had become close friends at their workplace. Dan was happy that Maribel's daughter wad dating Brittany. Brittany introduced Maribel to her sister Jenna.

The group ate food, talked and watched TV.

At one point, Brittany pulled her father aside.

"Dad I'm going to try to forgive Adam. I will go to Fort Wayne to see him. Santana is going to come with me. I hope you don't mind." She said.

"Sweetie, I don't mind if Santana comes. I know this hard for you. It is still hard for me and Jenna. You need extra support and if Santana can help you that is a good thing." Adam said.

* * *

Eight days later, Brittany drove up to the Lopez house. Santana came out with a suitcase and got into the car. They set off on the drive to Fort Wayne.

Santana was nervous about the trip and Brittany meeting up with Scott. She worried about her girlfriend. She also worried a bit about being around Adam and Jenna more. At Christmas, Jenna still seemed uncomfortable around her. She wondered if Jenna feared her because of the scars.

After an hour and a half of driving, the two arrived at Brittany's home. The house was a nice light blue two story. Brittany pulled into the garage and the two went inside.

The blonde called out and said, "Jenna we are here."

Jenna came downstairs and hugged her sister. She said "Hey" to Santana. Again Jenna seemed uncomfortable near Santana.

Santana then saw various family pictures in the house. She had seen a picture of Brittany's mother Kathleen before. But she was now seeing older pictures of her. She saw how more how Brittany looked like her late mom. She saw one of picture of Brittany in a dance costume. She also picked up a baby picture of Brittany.

"You were such a cute baby" She teased.

Brittany smiled.

Meowing was then heard in the home.

Santana then saw the infamous Lord Tubbington. Brittany picked up the cat.

"I missed you so much." She said hugging the chubby cat.

Awhile later, Adam returned home from work and he brought over a couple of pizzas. The Pierces and Santana ate dinner and watched a movie.

While Brittany was cleaning up the kitchen. Adam went into the living room and sat down next to Santana.

He faced Santana and said, "I want to thank you for coming with Brittany. She needs extra support and I'm thankful that you have been good to her. You must be a strong person to do this for her."

"It's not a problem. I care about Brittany and I know she is unsure about whether she should forgive Scott. The best thing I can do, is just to be here for her." Santana said.

* * *

The next day, Brittany woke up. She didn't feel well. She didn't sleep much because of her nervousness. She would be coming face to face with Scott. During the court hearings and trial, only her father attended. Brittany asked about going to the trial, but her father refused. He didn't want his daughter to be near Scott. Brittany did read up about the trial in the newspapers and the local TV station covered it. She remembered how Scott looked. He was 24 at the time of trial. He was very tall with black hair and green eyes. Brittany also remembered the mugshots that appeared in the newspapers. Cuts and bruises were visible on Scott's face. In a full body mugshot, a cast on his arm was visible. She hated that he survived the crash and didn't have any serious injuries.

She decided to shower while Santana was still asleep. She started the shower and stepped in. She broke down crying and kept saying, "Mom why did you have to go?"

Santana was awakened by Brittany's cries. Hearing Brittany crying and saying "why did go?" reminded her of Iraq. The brunette then began to break down a bit. Memories of friends dying popped her into head. The very dreaded memory of Jessica's death also flooded in.

She wiped away her tears and thought to herself, "I have to pull it together. I can't let Brittany down today. She needs me to be strong for her. I have to give her strength. I can't fucking think about Iraq. I need to focus on Brittany."

Santana then heard the shower faucet shut off. She then laid back down and pretended to be asleep as Brittany came back into the room to get dressed. She later pretended to wake up. She also showered and got ready.

The night before Adam talked about the planned meeting. They would meet with Scott at a public park. Scott's parole officer would also be there during part of the meeting. Brittany and Santana headed downstairs. Adam and Jenna were already there. Adam looked very nervous.

He took Brittany and Jenna into his arms and said, "I love you girls. I'm proud of both of you for agreeing to come to the meeting. Your mother would proud of both of you. Let's go"

As the group headed out the door, each person was nervous. Adam, Jenna, and Brittany were nervous for various reasons. Santana had sensed their nervousness and their pain was reminding her too much of her own past. They got into a car. Santana and Brittany sat in the backseat. Santana took her girlfriend's hand. After ten minutes, they pulled up to the park.

Brittany said, "Here it goes."


	11. Chapter 11

Damaged Chapter 11

Santana and the Pierces got out of the car and they were immediately approached by two men. Santana figured the younger man was Scott and the older man was his parole officer.

Adam was the first to speak, he faced the parole officer and said, "It's good to finally meet you in person."

He then turned to Brittany and Jenna and said, "Girls this is Mitchell Hayes, Scott's parole officer. These are my daughters Brittany and Jenna."

Both daughters nodded and shook Mitchell's hand.

Scott looked very nervous and was avoiding eye contact with the Pierces.

Adam then introduced Santana, "Mitchell and Scott, this is Santana Lopez, Brittany's girlfriend."

Santana noticed that both seemed a bit freaked out by her face and she figured that were questioning in their heads abut what happened to her face.

Scott then spoke up and said, "It is getting a bit cold out here, how about we go to the cafe near the end of the park."

Everyone else nodded and they walked to the cafe. Since it was mid-morning, the cafe wasn't busy. Brittany knew Santana would be nervous in a setting with a lot of people. They all took a seat at the largest booth in the cafe and the waitress took their coffee orders.

Scott faced the Pierces and said, "First of all, I want to apologize for causing Kathleen's death. I know saying sorry will never completely make things better. But I'm sorry ."

Brittany and Jenna didn't how to respond, but Adam responded with a simple thank you.

Scott spoke again, "I'm glad that you all agreed to meet with me. I should have apologized during the trial, but I was scared and immature. I didn't want to apologize. I used to blame my drunk driving on my ex-fiancee. About six months before the accident, I caught my ex cheating on me. After the break up, I turned to drinking and eventually I started driving drunk. I used to laugh any time I managed to get home without getting into an accident or pulled over by the cops. The day I crashed into Kathleen was the first time I had to deal with consequences of drunk driving. I do wish I had been pulled over before that day. In prison, I was still angry and blaming others for what I did. I hated being in a cell most days and eventually I realized that I deserved to be there. I took another person's life. I began to think about you three. I knew that my actions kept two innocent girls from not having their mother around. The prison chaplain encouraged me to write to you. I just couldn't because I didn't know what to say. After I got, I finally got the courage to apologize to all of you. I don't know if I deserve forgiveness, but I'm sorry and I can understand if you three have anger towards me."

Tears stream down Brittany's face, Santana took a tissue out of her pocket and wiped the tears from Brittany''s light skin. She stayed quiet and under the table she grabbed one of Santana's hands.

Jenna also had tears and she clung to her father.

Adam spoke up, "Thank you for telling us that Scott. Some men never own up to their mistakes and you have owned up to them. I forgive you Scott."

Tears streamed down Scott's face.

Brittany then spoke, "I accept your apology Scott and I know you will probably always regret what you. I can't forgive you at this point, but I hope in time I will. My mother was a kind and gentle soul. I know she would want us to forgive you. But for me, forgiveness will take time. My dad told me that you visit schools and colleges to tell them about their dangers of drunk driving. I think that is a good thing. You are doing your best to keep others from making the same mistake."

Scott then placed his hand on one of Brittany's hands.

"I understand why can't forgive me right away. If I was in your place, I would have a hard time forgiving someone for causing my mom's death." Scott said.

Jenna then said, "I don't want to try forgive you. You killed my mom. I was only 7 when she died and I don't remember a lot about her."

The girl then got up from the booth and ran to the bathroom.

Brittany got up and said, "I'll go talk to her."

She followed her younger sister into the bathroom. She took her sister into her arms. The girl didn't say anything, she continued crying.

Back at the booth, Scott stared at Santana a bit. He finally decided to ask about the scars,

"Umm Santana can I ask about what happened to your face? You don't have to answer." He said with a soft voice.

Santana took a breath and then said, "I was injured in Iraq. A roadside bomb went off near the Humvee I was in."

"I'm so sorry that happened to you. You must be one tough woman to endure all that." He said.

Santana just nodded. She didn't see herself as a tough. She felt that she got lucky enough to survive her injuries, but the war in general still haunted her. She hated herself for having to kill people. She also hated the enemies who killed some of her friends.

In the bathroom Jenna told her older sister, "I don't to forgive Scott. I don't remember Mom that much Brittany. I can't remember how her voice sounds and even though we have videos of her, it doesn't are lucky because you were older when mom died."

"Sweetie, I know it must be hard for you to not remember Mom that much. I understand if you don't want to forgive Scott." Brittany said.

The two then went back to the booth. Jenna stayed quiet and so did Scott. The man wanted to try apologize again, but he decided not to. He wasn't sure if it would help or not. Minutes later, Scott and Mitchell left the cafe.

The Pierces and Santana decided to eat brunch at the cafe before heading home.

* * *

Brittany and Santana headed up to her room and laid down on the bed.

Santana said, "You were brave today facing Scott. I don't know if I could have done the same."

"I did my best to be brave. But you are brave like me. You were in a war and survived." Brittany said.

Again Santana was annoyed with someone thinking she was tough or brave.

She responded to Brittany, "I just got lucky Brittany. I don't think I was brave really. I just knew when to kill instead of letting myself get killed.I survived the bomb injuries because of the medics"

Brittany was a bit shocked. She had known that Santana probably killed others in the war, but she never thought Santana would actually talk about it.

Santana noticed Brittany's uneasiness and she immediately changed the subject and said, "How about we go downstairs and watch TV with Jenna?"

Brittany agreed and the two went downstairs. While watching TV, Santana became nervous and immediately thought back to the war. In some ways, she felt she was worse than Scott.


	12. Chapter 12

Damaged Chapter 12

Brittany, Santana, and Jenna were laughing as they watched Mean Girls on the TV. Meanwhile in the kitchen, Adam called out to Brittany for help with dinner.

Brittany faced her girlfriend and sister and said, "I'm going to help Dad. About you two chat?"

Santana smiled towards Jenna.

Jenna said, "Ok"

Brittany headed into the kitchen.

"So Jenna do you have any hobbies or stuff you do at school?" Santana asked.

"I'm in dance classes and I'm apart of student council at school. I got into dance mostly because of Brittany and I kind of remember my mom teaching me stuff."

Santana still felt bad for Jenna losing her mother at a younger age. Brittany was older and she told Santana many stories about her mother.

Jenna looked at Santana in the eyes and said, "I'm glad that you make Brittany happy and that you came here. It is nice of you. Brittany told us that your dad died. I'm sorry about that."

"Thank you." The brunette replied.

For a few moments she thought about her father Roberto. She remembered his battle with pancreatic cancer. It was painful for her and her mother to see him waste away. Santana had been attending Ohio State and she thought about dropping out to be with her father during his final months. But he insisted that she stay in school. She never forgot the day when she was leaving an English class and got a call from her mother, telling her that her dad had just died.

Jenna put her hand on Santana's hand and said, "Do you want to play Scrabble? Brittany says you are good at it and you beat her in games all the time."

Santana responded, "Sure."

Jenna went to a cabinet and pulled out the game board and tile bag.

Minutes later, Brittany glanced out from the kitchen towards the living room and smiled as she saw Santana and Jenna socializing. Jenna no longer looked scared or uneasy of Santana.

* * *

Dinner was served in the Pierce house. Brittany and Santana sat across from Adam and Jenna.

"What time are you and Santana heading out tomorrow?" Adam asked.

"I think maybe around 10. I want to stop and see Mom's grave before we head out. I haven't been there in awhile" Brittany said.

Adam said, "I got a gift certificate to Flo's Flower Shop, the other day. You can use it to get some flowers to take to the grave.

"That will be nice." Brittany said.

The man then looked to Santana and said, "This might be a little personal, but you can tell me about your dad Santana. I talked to your mother quite a bit on Christmas day. But I didn't ask about your dad."

Santana said, "His name was Roberto. He was a pediatrician. He loved helping kids. He was in the Army before he went off to medical school. I joined the Army because of him. He always told me he was grateful to live in this country and being in the Army he felt that he gave back a little bit. He had his hobbies like fishing and hunting. He took me to be baseball games and football games in Cleveland."

Adam said, "He sounds like he was a been good man and he was probably proud of you for serving in the Army."

* * *

The next morning, Santana and Brittany awoke early so they could eat breakfast with Adam and Jenna. Adam was heading back to work and Jenna had school.

The two went downstairs and helped Adam make waffles and fry eggs. They ate breakfast and joked around.

Jenna spoke up, "My bus gets here in ten minutes. I'm glad you two came here. It was really hard yesterday. Santana I hope I can beat you again in Scrabble the next time I see you."

Santana teased back, "Little girl you won't win next time."

Jenna laughed and went up and hugged the brunette.

She then hugged Brittany and asked, "Do you think you will be able to make it to my spring dance recital?"

"Of course I will sweetie." Brittany said.

Jenna then said, "Santana you are invited too."

Adam went over to his daughter and said, "I'm going to head work now. I've said this before, but I'm proud of you for coming here and talking to Scott. Your mom would be proud. I know that you haven't forgiven Scott yet. I hope you do. It was good seeing you sweetie. Santana you take care of my daughter."

Santana said, "I will."

Twenty minutes later, Santana and Brittany were washing dishes and cleaning up the kitchen. They later went upstairs showered, dressed, and headed out.

* * *

The night before, she told Santana that the cemetery where her mom was buried was on the way out of Fort Wayne.

They pulled up the nice cemetery. Brittany reached into the backseat and pulled out a bouquet of carnations.

They got of the car and Brittany lead Santana to the grave. There was a bit of snow on the ground.

Santana looked at the headstone right away. It read

_Kathleen Pierce_

_Loving Mother and Wife_

_April 3, 1969-August 23, 2007_

Brittany knelled down and said, "Hey mom. It's me Brittany. I'm sorry I haven't been here in a long time to visit you. I just got busy with stuff in Lima and when I'm here in town, I'm busy hanging with Jenna and Dad. Jenna is getting better at dancing. You would be so proud. I came here to bring you these carnations and to tell you I'm going to try to forgive Scott. I wish you were here mom so you could have met Santana. She is good to me and I love her."

Santana smiled when she heard that. She also wished her father was alive to meet Brittany.

Brittany placed the carnations on the front of the headstone and she slowly traced the name and dates. Tears streamed down her face.

Santana let Brittany have her moment there at the grave.

Brittany later got up and said, "Let's go."

* * *

It had been two weeks since the trip to Fort Wayne. Santana got another at home technical writing job and Brittany started a new semester at LCC. Things were normal for awhile. One morning Santana was in her living room drinking coffee. She then heard something that sounded like a gunshot.

She ducked down as if something was going to hit her. She then remembered that the neighbor from across the street, Mel Johnson had a car whose engine constantly backfired.

She said to herself, "Its ok Santana. It's not a gunshot. It's just a fucking car engine backfiring"

She went about her day, but the sound of the engine backfiring still played in her head. She wasn't going to see Brittany that day because the blonde was busy with errands for her grandmother.

Later on, she made dinner for her and Maribel. She kept trying to block out the sounds of gunshots from head, but she couldn't.

She pretended to be ok in front of her mother. She didn't want her mom to know that something was wrong. Maribel often had stress in her life because of her job. Santana also knew that her injuries and recovery had been stressful for her mom. She didn't want to further burden her mom.

* * *

That night she went to bed and she thought about Iraq. She tried to think about the times when there wasn't chaos over there. She remembered Jessica. She thought back to the first time they had sex in one of the tents.

_The other soldiers were out for the night at a USO event. Jessica and Santana stayed behind. Santana was underneath Jessica as the red head was fingering her. Santana took pleasure. Jessica was still in the closet about her sexuality._

_The two stopped having sex and were lying in bed together._

_Jessica looked at Santana and said, "I'm so happy we did this. The last time for me was back in Kentucky before deployment. My family doesn't know that I'm a lesbian. A friend of mine from high school is one too. She offered to sleep with me as a going away gift. I was glad she did it. Now I'm glad I have you here. I know we agreed to a friends with benefit set up. I do care about you Santana. Maybe after this tour ends, we can try dating"  
_

_"I care about you too Hampton. But let's just keep this to a friends with benefit you thought about coming out to your family? I know it's scary, but maybe they will be ok with you being who you are." Santana said._

_"I wish I could. My dad would probably blow a gasket. I have heard him say tons of not to nice things about gay people over the years. He would probably disown me." Jessica said wiping away a tear._

_Santana rolled a bit closer to her and put her arms around her._

In the present, Santana realized that she really did love Jessica. During the war, she blocked out feelings of love for Jessica. Now it was too late, Jessica was gone.

The next night, Santana had a nightmare of Jessica's death. She remembered seeing Jessica covered in blood.


	13. Chapter 13

Damaged Chapter 13

For the next few weeks Santana kept having nightmares about the war. She looked tired the days. Both Maribel and Brittany noticed it, but she would pretend to be ok when they questioned her.

Her 26th birthday was approaching. Brittany wanted to do something special. She got Quinn and Maribel to help plan a party for Santana. Santana didn't really want a party, but she agreed to it because of Brittany.

One night Santana was screaming in bed during a nightmare. Maribel heard her this time and ran into her room. Santana was thrashing around the bed and she was screaming, "You have to kill them or you will be killed"

The mother was frightened. She sat on the bed and calmly shook Santana.

"Santana, mija you're having a nightmare. Come on wake up." Maribel said.

Santana eventually awoke and noticed her mom near her.

"I'm fine mom. Go back to bed." Santana said.

'You aren't fine. Talk to me Santana." Maribel pleaded.

"No I'm fine Mom. Just go back to bed." Santana said in a harsh tone.

Maribel went back to bed, but she still worried. She had been told in the hospital about the possibility of Santana having PTSD. But she didn't want to jump to conclusions yet.

* * *

Santana kept thinking about the war and Jessica. Images of Jessica often danced around in her head. She hated herself for destroying the pictures of Jessica. One day she took out her laptop and googled, "Sgt. Jessica Hampton US Army. She came across obits and memorial pictures of Jessica. She was happy to see real pictures of Jessica again, but she was also saddened to read the obituary again and again.

She began to imagine how life would have been if Jessica had lived. She imagined herself pushing Jessica to come out of the closet and they would have dated. But reality always crept into Santana. She had Brittany in her life now and Jessica was dead.

The day of the party came around. Maribel was going to work at the office for a few hours before the party started. Brittany arrived early in the morning to start getting things ready. She walked up the stairs to Santana's bedroom.

She watched the brunette sleep for awhile, before she leaned down and kissed her.

Santana was startled when the kiss woke her up.

"Happy birthday Santana" Brittany said.

Santana smiled and got up and kiss Brittany on the mouth.

The two went downstairs and ate a quick breakfast. Santana said, "I'm going go up and shower."

Brittany responded "Ok I'm going to get started on the food for the party."

Quinn later came by and started helping Brittany with the food.

Santana came downstairs and greeted Quinn.

"Are you excited to see some of our friends?" Quinn said.

"Yeah I guess. I know some of them haven't seen me with the scars yet. I'm kind of worried about that." Santana said.

Brittany started cutting vegetables on one of the counters. As she was cutting a cucumber, she cut into two of her fingers deeply.

She cried out in pain.

Quinn and Santana turned to see her. Blood gushed out of the deep cuts.

The sight of the blood startle Santana and she frooze. Images of Jessica covered blood from gunshot wounds pop into her head. Images of other bloody soldiers also came into her mind.

She started to shake.

Quinn was tending to Brittany. She handed Brittany paper towels to put pressure on her fingers. There were blood stains on Brittany's shirt.

"Those cuts look bad Brittany. I think you are going to need stitches." Quinn said.

Santana then saw an image of Brittany being shot and bleeding. She then ran upstairs and started screaming, "No"

Brittany immediately got frightened and thought back to the incident where Santana freaked out about going to the musical She then remembered the nightmare incident at the cabin.

"I'm going to go check on Santana. Stay here Brittany" Quinn said.

Quinn went up stairs and saw Santana screaming and throwing various objects around her bedroom.

"Santana its ok. Brittany is fine, she will get stitched up and be fine" Quinn said.

"She isn't fine. No one is ok. Everyone fucking bleeds in war. People die" Santana screamed.

Quinn said, "Santana you aren't in war, everything is ok. Brittany will be fine."

Santana then pushed Quinn out of her room and into the hallway. She locked the door.

Quinn ran back downstairs and told Brittany " I'm calling Maribel."

She telephoned Maribel and told her about what was going on. Maribel raced home.

When she entered the home, she saw Brittany and Santana upstairs trying to get Santana to come out of her room.

She went upstairs and said, " Brittany you better head to the hospital and get those cuts looked at."

"I'm fine. I want to stay here and make sure Santana is ok" She said with tears in her eyes.

"I know you do. But you have to take care of yourself too." Maribel said.

"I'll take you to the hospital" Quinn said.

* * *

While in the hospital waiting room, Quinn began calling friends to tell them that Santana's party was called off.

At the Lopez house, Maribel was sitting outside the door of Santana room. Occasionally she heard things break in and she often pleaded for Santana to let her in.

"Santana you are safe here, nothing is going to happen. Please let me in so I can help you mija." Maribel said.

The door opened and she saw various destroyed items thrown throughout the room.

Santana stayed quiet and Maribel took her into arms. The younger Lopez broke down crying.

At the hospital, Brittany came out of one of the exam rooms. Her fingers were stitched up and bandaged. Quinn came up to her, "Are you ready to go?"

Brittany nodded.

They went back to the Lopez house. They found Maribel sitting in the living room downstairs.

They immediately asked about Santana.

"I got her to calm down and she is sleeping in my room. Santana probably does have post traumatic stress disorder. We will need an official diagnosis, but this incident has shown me that she is suffering mentally. When she was in the hospital, they told me that it could happen. In addition to her own injuries from the bomb, she had seen other things over there. I was hoping that she wouldn't have PTSD. I have to face reality now and get my daughter help" Maribel said.

Brittany said, "When we went to the cabin a few months back, she had a nightmare and kept saying the name Jessica."

"Jessica was a woman in Santana's squad. She was a lesbian. Santana told me in emails and on the phone that they weren't in a relationship, but I figured something was happening with them. Jessica died a few months before Santana was injured. Santana was with her when she died." Maribel said.

Quinn said, " My mom knows a psychiatrist who might be able to help Santana."

"Thank you Quinn. I'm going to call the VA and Santana's former lieutenant Matt Rutherford to see how we should go about helping Santana." Maribel said.

She then saw Brittany sitting off to the side crying.

"Brittany, I know you love my daughter. But things are going to be tough now that we know that she isn't ok. It might be a long time before Santana is ok. I understand if you want to break up with Santana and stop working here." Maribel said kindly.

"I won't break up with Santana. I love her and I want to help her." Brittany said.

Maribel smiled and said, "We are going to be a team for Santana.

Quinn said, "Count me in too."

Brittany went up and watched Santana sleep for awhile before heading home.

…..

Brittany didn't sleep at all that night. She kept thinking about Santana and she did fear the future. Around 5 am she pulled out her iPod and decided to listen to a certain song by Jason Mraz to help her ease her mind about the situation with Santana."I Won't Give Up".

_When I look into your eyes_

_It's like watching the night sky_

_Or a beautiful sunrise_

_Well, there's so much they hold_

_And just like them old stars_

_I see that you've come so far_

_To be right where you are_

_How old is your soul?_

_Well, I won't give up on us_

_Even if the skies get rough_

_I'm giving you all my love_

_I'm still looking up_

_And when you're needing your space_

_To do some navigating_

_I'll be here patiently waiting_

_To see what you find_

_'Cause even the stars they burn_

_Some even fall to the earth_

_We've got a lot to learn_

_God knows we're worth it_

_No, I won't give up_

_I don't wanna be someone who walks away so easily_

_I'm here to stay and make the difference that I can make_

_Our differences they do a lot to teach us how to use_

_The tools and gifts we got, yeah, we got a lot at stake_

_And in the end, you're still my friend at least we did intend_

_For us to work we didn't break, we didn't burn_

_We had to learn how to bend without the world caving in_

_I had to learn what I've got, and what I'm not, and who I am_

_I won't give up on us_

_Even if the skies get rough_

_I'm giving you all my love_

_I'm still looking up, still looking up._

_Well, I won't give up on us (no I'm not giving up)_

_God knows I'm tough enough (I am tough, I am loved)_

_We've got a lot to learn (we're alive, we are loved)_

_God knows we're worth it (and we're worth it)_

_I won't give up on us_

_Even if the skies get rough_

_I'm giving you all my love_

_I'm still looking up_

The song ended and Brittany laid back down. She managed to fall asleep. She awoke a few hours later. She immediately went to her computer and began researching post traumatic stress disorder.


	14. Chapter 14

Damaged Chapter 14

Brittany had already spent a few hours looking at various online sites about PTSD. She had trouble understanding some of the content she was reading. She was getting frustrated and she eventually decided to take a break and get something to eat.

When she was in the kitchen, she remembered what her dad said about some veterans having mental scars. She knew what her dad said was now true. She decided to call him.

She took out her cell and dialed, after several rings she heard her father's voice.

"Hi dad" She said.

"Hey B, how are you doing?" He asked.

"I'm not doing well Dad. Santana isn't doing well either . What you said about some veterans having mental scars is true." She said in a sad voice.

"What happened sweetheart ?" Adam asked.

Brittany then told her father about the events from the previous day.

On the other line, Adam felt bad for his daughter and Santana.

"I'm sorry about what is going on with Santana. PTSD is common with returning vets and it also common with people who have experienced tragedies. For awhile I feared that we would develop PTSD after we lost your mom. None of us did. The night I met Santana, I just got the feeling that she had many emotional scars. Hell who wouldn't have emotional scars. She probably saw things that many people will never see or experience. Our tragedy is different from hers" Adam said.

"What you are saying is right. We went through a different tragedy than hers. I don't know how to help her Dad. Maribel is going to get her help with doctors and counselors. I want to help her too." Brittany said.

"I know you do Brittany. I think it is best that you wait until Santana gets some kind of treatment and then you can try helping her out too. For now, take things slow with her and be careful." The father said.

"I guess I should." Brittany said.

* * *

She chatted with her father about a few other things for awhile. After getting off the phone, she ate a quick lunch and decided to head to the Lopez house. She knocked on the door and Maribel answered it.

"Hi Brittany, come in." She said.

"How is Santana doing?" The blonde asked.

"She managed to sleep until around 2 am. She had a nightmare and has been awake since then. She has cried a few times. I called Matt Rutherford and he is coming to Lima tomorrow. I contacted the psychiatrist that Quinn recommended. So far Santana doesn't want to get help. Dr. Hill said that I could have her committed to the hospital for a 48 hour psych evaluation. I don't want to do that yet. I'm going to keep a close eye on her for the next few days. If she refuses help, I might have to force her." Maribel said sadly.

"Can I go up to talk to her?" Brittany asked.

"Sure I'll go with you."

The two went up to Maribel's bedroom. Santana was lying in the bed in a fetal position. She was awake, but looked tired and her eyes were red.

"San, Brittany is here." Maribel said and she then left the room.

Santana got up into a sitting position. She glanced a bit at Brittany's bandaged fingers.

"Your fingers are ok?" She said.

"Yeah, I got them stitched up." Brittany said as she took a seat next to Santana.

"I'm so sorry about yesterday Britt. I shouldn't have freaked out. I feel so bad because the party got cancelled." Santana said

"It's ok. The only thing that matters is that we are both ok. Santana I love you and I hope you get help. Do you want to tell me why you freaked out yesterday, maybe I can help?" She said softly.

" I don't need help. Besides no one can help me erase my past. I can't erase the memories of Jessica or the others who died in the war. I can't fucking erase the things I did in the war." Santana said.

"I know you can't. But maybe the doctors can help you to not be so sad about what happened ." Brittany said.

"It's bad enough that I'm messed up on the outside with these hideous scars. Being messed up on the inside is hard for anyone to understand. I don't think shrinks would understand." Santana said with anger in her voice.

"Santana can I ask about Jessica? Your mom told me she was in your squad and that she suspected something went on between you two?" Brittany said.

"I told my mom earlier the truth about Jessica. In Iraq, we agreed to have a friends with benefit situation. We thought it would ease some of the issues of war and it did. I knew she loved me and wanted more even though she was in the closet to everyone else. Since we were in war, I always feared bad things and I blocked out my feelings for her. I avoided telling her that I loved her." Santana.

Brittany put her hand on her girlfriend's scarred right cheek and said, 'Santana you aren't messed up in a way. I guess you're just confused and in pain from the past. You have been through bad things and you need to heal. You lost someone you loved in that war. People are willing to help you. Your mom wants you to heal. Any mother would want their child to heal. My mom would have wanted me to heal if I had gone through all that. Please Santana let us help you."

Santana said, "Ok."

She hugged Brittany and kissed her on the lips. The two laid down on the bed. Brittany held Santana and stroked her hair and face.

Awhile later Maribel. then came into the room and said, "Quinn just got here and she wants to see you. We have an uneaten and uncut birthday cake downstairs. Mija, about you come down and we have a small belated birthday celebration."

"It's better that we eat some of that cake, especially since Brittany custom ordered it." Santana said smiling at Brittany.

The three went down and joined Quinn who had just gotten plates out and the ice cream. Quinn went over and hugged Santana and asked how she was doing.

The four each took a piece of cake and a scoop of ice cream. They ate in silence for awhile.

Santana eventually spoke up and said, "I have decided that I'm going to get help from my PTSD. I'm ashamed about having a mental problem, but I know I need help."

Maribel responded, "Santana I'm proud that you are going to get help."

Quinn was looking down and she said, "Santana you shouldn't be ashamed about having PTSD. No one should ever be ashamed of having a mental health problem. I have to confess to something. I'm bipolar. I said that my mom knew a good psychiatrist, but the truth is has that Dr. Hill been treating me for the past seven years"

Santana and Maribel were immediately shocked by Quinn's revelation. They had both known Quinn for the past eleven years and they never knew about her being bipolar.

"Quinn, why haven't you told me?" Santana said.

"I'm sorry Santana. I got diagnosed sometime after high school. I had always mood swings, but during my freshman year of college I got very depressed for awhile and then I went through a manic period. I then decided to get help and I have responded well to therapy and medication. Yesterday I sensed that something was very wrong with you. Now is the right time to tell you about my condition." Quinn said.

"It's ok Quinn, that you didn't tell me sooner." Santana said.

"I know what you are going through is different. But you don't need to be embarrassed about getting help. I'm here for you. I might not be able to help that well you because of my own condition." Quinn said.

The brunette looked towards Quinn and said, "You, Brittany and my mom have helped me already. I need more help from others. But you three have already pushed me on the right track. "


	15. Chapter 15

Damaged Chapter 15

The next day Matt Rutherford was standing on the Lopez doorstep. He rung the doorbell a few times and Maribel answered it.

"Hello Mrs. Lopez." Matt said.

"Hello, please call me Maribel and come in." She said.

Maribel lead Matt into the living room and a few minutes later Santana came down.

Matt hugged her and she took a seat on the couch.

Santana looked at him and said, "I have to apologize to you for lying. A few months back when you came to visit me. I lied about being ok. I wasn't ok back then. I was hiding things."

"It's ok Santana that doesn't matter now. What matters is that you have decided to get help for your PTSD. You didn't have to apologize to me." Matt said.

Maribel said, "We have contacted the VA and a psychiatrist here in Lima. His name is Dr. Frank Hill. Santana will be meeting with him tomorrow and the VA is going to find a therapist to help assist in Santana's treatment."

"That is pretty standard. I underwent PTSD treatment after my first tour. I have to tell you both that things won't be easy. Treatment plans vary depending on the patients. But treatment gets tough because you have to talk about hard things. Things you wanted to forget, but couldn't." Matt said.

Santana stayed quiet. She really wished she could forget about the horrors she saw in the war. But she knew she never would.

Matt then said, "There are support groups all over now for veterans. You could try one out at some point Santana. It helps to talk to people who have some idea of what you are going through because they were in your same shoes."

Santana asked, "Does it get easier?"

"It does after awhile. But it still can be hard at times, I won't lie to you about that." Matt said.

* * *

Brittany had walked into the deli near the campus. She was having lunch with Artie, Ryder, Sam, Mercedes, and Marley.

She had told them over the phone about the incident with Santana.

Brittany took a seat in a booth with her friends and made her lunch order.

Mercedes asked, "When is Santana going to start treatment?"

"She has her first appointment with a psychiatrist tomorrow and she said the VA is going to help out by finding a therapist for her to also talk with. I wish I could go with her to the appointment tomorrow, but I have class. I wish I was smarter so I could help Santana." Brittany said.

Marley spoke up, "Brittany you have a caring heart that is enough for you help Santana. She is going to get professional help, but that doesn't mean you are shut out."

Brittany smiled at Marley and said, "I really care about Santana, but it's just hard to see her going through all this stuff. She dealt with death and sadness every day during her tours in the war. I'm scared about what to say to her at times when she talks about the war. I'm glad she is getting help, I wish I could do more for her"

Artie said, "Maybe just listen to her and try to find a way to comfort her."

* * *

The next day rolled around and the Lopez women were in the waiting room at Dr. Frank Hill's clinic Santana was nervous and Maribel sense her daughter's nervousness . She would occasionally put her arm around her daughter.

The receptionist came into the waiting room and said, "Santana, Dr. Hill is ready for you."

She lead them to Dr. Hill's office down the hall.

Dr. Hall was a shorter man in his late 50s with greying hair.

"It is good to finally meet you two." He said.

The Lopez women took seats on a couch.

"Santana, based on the information your mother shared with me. I do think you have post traumatic stress disorder. To be sure, I will conduct the diagnostic interview so I can have some initial notes on file." Dr. Hill said.

Santana nodded.

"Santana when did you start exhibiting symptoms such as nightmares, fatigue, or stress? Dr. Hill asked.

"The nightmares started a few months after I was back in the U.S. I was in a veterans' hospital and I was having surgeries done. They were occasional for awhile and then a couple months ago, I started having them more frequently." Santana said.

"Can you describe what the nightmares are usually about?" The psychiatrist asked.

Santana gulped a little and she said, "They are of people dying. I have nightmares about my friends' deaths in Iraq. I also remember some of the gunfire and the bomb incidents"

"It is common for many people who witnessed death to have nightmares or flashbacks." Dr. Hill said.

Tears started streaming down Santana's face, and in a shaky voice she revealed, "I sometimes have nightmares and flashbacks about the times I had to kill people."

Maribel was shaken by what she heard her daughter say. She knew in the back of her mind that Santana did kill people in the war, but she never wanted to think deeply about it. Now she would have to think and know about what her daughter did in the war.

Dr. Hill stayed quiet as he wrote in his note pad.

"Santana, do you have flashbacks or nightmares about the roadside bomb incident that injured you?" He asked.

"I have had a few nightmares about it." Santana said.

Dr. Hill continued to writing more notes.

Santana continued talking about the incident with Brittany cutting her fingers and how the blood triggered her.

" I'm officially diagnosing you as having post traumatic stress disorder. I will start talking to the VA and I will seek out at a therapist to help assist in treatment. At this point , there isn't an official treatment plan yet. Do you have trouble sleeping?" Dr Hill said.

The brunette replied, "I do have trouble sleeping."

Dr. Hill then pulled out a prescription pad and said, "I'm writing you a prescription for sleeping meds. It is better that you get more sleep because it will be helpful when we start your treatment plan. I also want you to keep a journal over the next few days about your emotions and I want you to write down if certain things trigger you. The incident with your girlfriend cutting her fingers and the blood was a definite trigger for you. You were probably connecting the sight of blood after an accidental cut to the war. It is easy for people suffering from PTSD to be triggered by things that others wouldn't be emotionally triggered by. If you feel anxiety or fear, by certain sounds or sights. I want you to write down how they make you feel and try to stay calm. Try working out or listening to music."

Santana and Maribel both nodded at the doctor's instructions.

"Hopefully we can start a full treatment program next week. You two probably know that things won't be easy. Santana I want you to focus mostly on your upcoming treatment program. I want you to think about how this will effect relationships and be prepared for any problems that may come up. If you have problems please call my emergency cell number. I will call you as soon as a therapist is lined up." Dr. Hill said.

* * *

Maribel and Santana returned home. Santana called in the prescription and Maribel went off to pick it up. Brittany came over eventually. She told Brittany about the visit and interview with Dr. Hill.

The two were lying on Santana's bed. Brittany was holding Santana in her arms.

"I wish I could do more to help you Santana. I wish I was smarter and I kind of wish I had more similar experiences to you. I lost my mom but you have lost more people." Brittany said.

"Baby you have helped me out. You helped me learn to be ok with my scars. Well I'm still not completely ok with them, but I'm better about them. Without you and others, I wouldn't have ever gotten the courage to take off the mask and go out more in public. Brittany, the psychiatrist told me that my treatment plan and program isn't going to be easy. I'm going to have focus on it a lot. Maybe we should take some kind of break? I don't want to break up with you." Santana said.

"I guess we should. I still want to help you any way I can. But maybe you should focus on getting help from the doctors and VA." Brittany said.

Both women stayed silent for awhile and finally one spoke up.

"Just know that I love you and the break will end." Santana said.


	16. Chapter 16

Damaged Chapter 16

A week passed by and Santana was now going to fully start therapy. The therapist assigned to her was Dr. Kendall Grant, an expert on PTSD. Maribel and Brittany temporarily reworked Brittany's work schedule, so she would be working while Santana was out of the house.

Santana decided to go by herself to first session with Dr. Grant.

Dr. Grant was a tall woman with light brown hair and brown eyes. She was a pretty woman whose face showed warmness.

Santana took a seat opposite her.

"Santana I have reviewed the notes from Dr. Hill and I'm going start you off on exposure therapy. I want you to first tell me about the war memories that aren't so sad for you. Then we will talk about the more painful memories. If you feel like stopping, just tell me and we can take a break." The therapist said.

Santana stayed silent for several minutes thinking back to her past.

"The memories that haven't caused me much stress or sadness are the times when I came across the dead bodies of soldiers from other units. There were several times my unit had to travel around to assist other units. Sometimes we recovered bodies. I was shaken up during my first tour, but I promised myself that I wouldn't get sad over soldiers I didn't know. I promised myself that I would only grieve over the ones that I knew well. That must sound cruel to you" Santana said.

"Santana I understand what you are saying. You bonded closely with men and women in your unit, so naturally you had more affection for them and not so much for other units. Did you ever feel sadness for the soldiers you didn't know?" Dr. Grant said.

"I did feel sadness at times. I wondered if they had spouses or children." Santana said.

"Now I'm going to have you talk about a more painful memory. Do you remember the first time you lost a friend or someone from your unit?" Dr. Grant said.

"I do. It was during my first tour. I had been in Iraq for three weeks. There was a guy named Chuck Davidson. He was 20 at the time. He and his wife had a baby in high school and they married after the birth. Finances were the main reason he joined. He was always showing off pictures of his little girl. Her name was Stephanie. It became annoying after awhile. Sometimes I teased him that no one wanted hear about his little snowflake girl. One day a street kid who was 11, pointed a gun at Chuck. Chuck didn't want to shot him and others in the unit didn't want to either. The kid shot Chuck and then someone else in our unit then shot the kid. For awhile, I hated those fucking kids in Iraq because of that incident. I felt so bad for Chuck's little girl to have had her father killed by a kid. Later I wished that I would have shot the kid before he had the chance to shoot Chuck " Santana said.

Dr. Grant said, "Your feelings towards the kids were understandable. It was a war and your comrade made that painful decision after Chuck was shot. Soldiers have to protect themselves. Sometimes people aren't able to make quick decisions."

Santana broke down crying. Dr. Grant handed her tissues and allowed her to cry it out.

After she finally calmed down. Dr. Grant said, "Santana I'm going to send my notes over to Dr. Hill. He will review them and talk with you. He might put you on some anti-depressants. I think it is best that we end today's session. I'm going to give you list of breathing exercises and coping mechanisms to help with stress."

* * *

Santana returned home. She went into the basement and started working out to blow off steam. It helped her quite bit. She thought about her discussion with Dr. Grant. She began to wonder about Chuck's widow and daughter. She at times wished that she had died instead of soldiers who had spouses and young kids. But she also grieved over the others who didn't have spouses or kids. The person from the war that she had the most grief for was Jessica. But she wasn't ready yet to tell her therapist about Jessica.

She went upstairs and did online search for info on Chuck's family. She pulled out a notebook and wrote down the info. Maribel came home later and Santana told her that the session went well. She didn't want Maribel to know about some of the things she talked about.

Maribel had secretly made an agreement with Brittany to keep her updated on Santana. After dinner she went up to her bedroom and dialed Brittany's number.

"Hello, Brittany's It's Maribel." The older Lopez said.

"Hey how are you doing? How did Santana do today?" Brittany asked over the phone.

"She said things went well. I suspect that she didn't tell me everything. There is something that I want to discuss with Brittany." Maribel said.

"Okay".

"You and I both have talked about how we wish we could help Santana more." Maribel said.

" Have you found a way?" Brittany asked.

Maribel responded, "I think have. I'm not sure if this will be a good idea. I contacted a PTSD support group here in Lima. The moderator for the group said that he would be ok with us observing some of the meetings. I think maybe we could learn more from someone who is in a similar situation to Santana. We could figure ways to help her too. I think it is worth trying."

Brittany stayed silent and thought about Maribel's idea . They could learn from someone wit PTSD about how to better deal with and help Santana.

"I think it is good idea and worth trying. Santana needs guidance and so do we." Brittany said.

"There is a meeting on Thursday at a community center. It's at 7 pm. Do you think you can make it?" Maribel asked.

The blonde responded, "Yeah I can. Maribel you are a genius for this idea".

* * *

Two days later, Santana was sitting in Dr. Hill's office.

"I have conferred with Dr. Grant and based on your first session. I'm prescribing a low dosage of anti-depressants. They will ease some of your PTSD symptoms. How did you feel after your session with Dr. Grant?" The psychiatrist answered.

"I felt a bit sad. I thought more about the first friend I lost in Iraq." Santana said.

"I'm sure that was tough. You have to grieve. Grief helps you let out emotions. I'm sure Dr. Hill will tell you the same thing." Dr. Hill said.

A few hours later, Santana was sitting in Dr. Grant's office.

"Dr. Hill said he is prescribing anti-depressants to me. Will they effect my therapy sessions with you?" Santana.

"Like Dr. Hill said the meds will ease some of your PTSD symptoms. The chemicals in your brain will be a bit calmed down and you might see that it will be easier to talk about things from the past. Do you want to continue talking about Chuck?" Dr. Grant said.

"Yeah I do. After the first session, I thought about his wife and daughter. I wondered about how they have been carrying on without him. I also feel so guilty about being alive. I don't have a wife or kids. I sometimes think it would have been better that I died instead of Chuck and the others with kids. Children deserve to have two parents. " Santana said.

Santana paused for a moment and then said, "I was 19 when my dad died. It still fucking hurts. But I think I'm lucky because my dad got to see me grow up at least. Chuck's little girl isn't going to remember her father. "

Dr. Grant then said, "You are experiencing survivor guilt. It is common in many situations related to PTSD. You were in a war with people from different backgrounds. In war, anything can happen to anyone out in the battlefields. The kid that killed Chuck could have shot any other person. Parents of young children die every single day outside of war. You don't have to feel guilty about surviving the war."

Santana realized Dr. Grant had a point. Even if Chuck had not been in the war. He could have died some other way. She then thought about her own father Roberto, he could have died when Santana was younger. She then thought about Brittany's mother Kathleen, maybe if a drunk driver didn't kill her, something else could have happened to her. Sometimes in life, it isn't worth it to ask the "what ifs".

* * *

The brunette finished up her session and headed home. She knew that once her mother got home, she would ask about the session. She still wasn't ready to share more with her mother.

She was still feeling guilt about Chuck. She opened up the notebook that had the contact info for Chuck's wife Erica. She dialed the phone number to Erica's home in Florida.

She heard a female voice on the line.

"Hello is this Erica Davidson?" She asked.

"Yes it is. May I ask who is calling?

"My name is Santana Lopez. I was in Chuck's unit." She said.

"Oh yes, Santana. I'm remember Chuck talking about you in letters and over the phone. He said that you teased him about his constant bragging over Stephanie. Can I help you with something?" Erica asked.

"First of all, I want to say that I'm so sorry about your loss. Chuck was a fine soldier." Santana said.

"Thank you." Erica said.

"I want to do something for you and Stephanie. I was thinking of sending you two money ." Santana.

"No no, that isn't needed. Stephanie and I are doing fine." Erica said.

"I understand. But I feel that I have to do some kind of deed for you two. Maybe I could send gift cards or something?" The brunette said into the phone.

"You have done a good deed already Santana. You called me and gave me your condolences. That is enough for me. I get a kind sense from your voice. I'm glad that Chuck was surrounded by you and others. I know that he died around people who cared about him." Erica said.

Santana was touched by Erica's kind words.

"Santana may I ask how you are doing?" Are you still in the Army?" Erica asked.

"I got discharged over a year ago. I was injured by a roadside bomb." She responded.

"Oh my. I'm so sorry about that. Were you hurt bad?"

"I suffered burns and shrapnel wounds on the right side of my body. I had to have several surgeries and treatments. I'm doing ok now. I'm back in my home state of Ohio." Santana said.

She then heard a little girl laughing in the background of Erica's line. She knew it was Stephanie.

"Mommy come play dolls with me" was heard through the phone.

Santana laughed a bit and said, "Well I better let you go Erica. It seems Stephanie wants you to play with her."

Erica chuckled on the phone and said, "Yeah I better get going. Thank you Santana for calling. It means a lot to me that people still think about us and Chuck."

Minutes later after hanging up, Santana felt that some weight was lifted off her shoulders. She knew that she was starting to heal emotionally.

* * *

**Author's note: There will be more Brittany in the next chapter.**


	17. Chapter 17

Damaged Chapter 17

Brittany had pulled into the parking lot of one of the community center where the PTSD support group meeting was held at. She was a bit nervous about attending the meeting. She had been doing additional reading about PTSD and she read stories of war veterans, rape victims, child abuse victims and others having a very difficult time. She was a bit startled a by a knock on the passenger window. It was Maribel. Brittany unlocked the passenger door and Maribel got in.

"Hi Maribel, how have you been doing and how is Santana doing?" Brittany asked.

"I've been doing ok. Things at work have slowed down and I'm grateful because I can focus a bit more on Santana. Santana says she is doing fine at therapy with Dr. Grant. She has started taking anti-depressants. They are low dosed and they might not help completely. I think she is doing ok. I have talked to Matt Rutherford and he also willing give us advice." Maribel said.

"I'm so nervous about going into that meeting. I'm scared of what we are going to hear other people say about things they have been through. I went through a lot after my mom died. I had to get used to not having her around and Jenna was so young. It was tougher for her. I had to be strong for her. For the first few months, she slept in my bed with me because she would cry herself to sleep and she didn't want my dad to know. Somehow I healed, I'm still not over my mom's death and I still have anger over it. But some people have been through very terrible things that are hard to think about or talk about. You know like people who have been raped and abused. " Brittany said.

"I'm nervous too. I sort of feel wrong for doing this without Santana knowing. But I feel I really need to know how severe PTSD can be and how Santana feels when she isn't telling me certain things. " Maribel said.

Maribel then glanced down at her watch which was showed 6:40.

"We better head in now and talk to Jeff the moderator. The two women got out of Brittany's car and headed into the community center. They quickly found the meeting room and they saw Jeff, a tall man with brown hair rearranging chairs."

Maribel said, "Hello Jeff. I'm Maribel Lopez and this is Brittany Pierce. We are here to observe the meeting.

"Hello, nice to meet both of you in person. For the past few weeks our attendance numbers have been around 10 to 12 people. Four of the regular attendees are war veterans. I will introduce them to you two after the meeting. I will warn you two in advance that some of the discussions can be a bit a graphic. You two can also ask me anything. I'm in graduate studies for counseling psychology. I have worked a bit with PTSD sufferers and their families. Also my father is a Vietnam veteran who had PTSD. But I think it might help more to talk to Iraq and Afghanistan veterans." Jeff said.

Brittany responded, "Thank you Jeff for allowing us to sit on these meetings. I have been doing some research on PTSD and I know that people who suffer with it have been through a lot. I will do my best to try and deal with what I hear in the meeting."

Jeff responded, "If you or Maribel feels uncomfortable at any time, please know that is ok to step out of the room."

The two nodded. People started filing into the meeting room.

After everyone was seated, Jeff stood up and said, "Welcome to the PTSD support group. Tonight we have two people observing out meeting."

He walked to where Brittany and Maribel were sitting and said, "This is Maribel Lopez and Brittany Pierce. Maribel's daughter Santana is a war veteran who is currently undergoing treatment. Brittany is Santana's girlfriend. They are here because they want to learn more about PTSD from the perspectives of sufferers. They are hoping by learning more, they will be better able to help Santana."

The attendees all showed smiles of support towards them and greeted them with "Hellos".

Jeff then continued, "Let's get started with the meeting. How about we focus on talking about the symptoms of PTSD and how all of you cop."

For the next two hours, Maribel and Brittany listened to the participants talk about having trouble sleeping, having extreme anxieties of danger, being triggered by other crises in their lives. One of the attendees, a 30 something woman named Melanie talked about her own experiences in Afghanistan and how loud sudden noises often freaked her out.

Brittany began to wonder if her own incident with Scott seeking forgiveness and her own stress might have triggered Santana.

The meeting came to an end. Some attendees left, but the four veterans stayed behind to talk a bit with Maribel, Brittany, and Jeff.

In addition to Melanie, the other veterans were Antonio, Kristen, and Paul.

All four were nice to Brittany and Maribel. Each of them gave contact info.

Brittany and Maribel headed to a coffee shop to discuss things more.

Brittany softly spoke up and said, "I think things from my own life might have triggered Santana these past few months. I had some stress when Scott Frederick asked to meet with my family. My father encouraging me to forgive Scott brought out different emotions. I was also stressed when I did meet with Scott and how my sister reacted. I fear that all of that might have taken a toll on Santana. She did her best to comfort me. Maybe I shouldn't have put that stress on her."

"It's ok Brittany. You didn't know that Santana was going through PTSD. Maybe she was stressed by what was going on with you. But she gave you comfort because she loves you. Wounded people sometimes can have a little strength to help others. Santana helped you during that time." Maribel said.

The blonde responded, "But Santana went through worse things than me."

"Brittany don't beat yourself up. You deserve to grieve over your mother and the stress you had was normal. Just because Santana has went through more things doesn't mean that you should push aside your pain from the past. Maybe you and Santana can heal together."

* * *

Santana was sitting in Dr. Grant's office. The therapist was talking on the phone. She hung up after a few minutes.

"I apologize Santana, one of my kids had a small emergency at school. I think we should discuss the trauma you experienced due to your injuries and the injuries of people connected to you in the war. By talking about injuries, we can deal with some of PTSD issues related to your injuries." Dr. Grant said.

Santana responded, "Okay. During my time in Iraq before I got injured I saw a lot of bad injuries on other soldiers. I remember seeing a soldier once who was burned very severely. It was like his whole body was burned. He was screaming so loud and his screams just didn't sound natural. I don't know how to quite explain it. There was another time, I saw a female soldier get her leg blown off when she stepped on a landmine. I was about 20 feet away from her, but seemed like it was closer"

Dr. Grant took notes and asked, "How did seeing those things make you feel?"

"I was sad at first. It was horrible to see how war can injure people and disfigure people beyond recognition. I was sad seeing a perfectly healthy woman lose her leg in an instant. But over time ,I became numb and other times when I would see injured soldiers I wouldn't feel anything towards them. " Santana said.

"Santana would you like to talk about the roadside bomb that caused your injuries?" Dr. Grant asked.

She stayed silent for a few moments and gained some composure.

"The day I got injured it wasn't really a busy day for my unit. We did some foot patrol and then got into the Humvee to drive to another town to pick up supplies from another unit. Twenty minutes later, the roadside bomb went off as we went by an old building. I remember the Humvee skidding around and the explosion and shrapnel hitting me and my skin getting burned. The pain was awful. I remembers others screaming." Santana said.

She stayed silent and then said, "Is it ok if I stop here? I just don't feel like talking more about that day."

Dr. Grant responded in a kind tone, "It's ok Santana. Maybe you could try writing more about that day in a journal. Maybe you could write about how your scars make you feel. I know that it can be hard to talk about things out loud."

* * *

It was Monday morning and Brittany was driving to the Lopez house to pick up a shopping list and cash. Maribel had told her the night before that Santana was going to hang out with Quinn at the Fabray Real Estate Office. The blonde thought about a lot of things related to Santana. The night before she had spoken with Kristen, one of the veterans from the support group.

_Brittany was in her bedroom studying and her phone was buzzing. She answered it._

"_Hi Brittany, it's Kristen Green from the support group. I was wondering if you would like to meet with me and my husband this week. My husband might be able to give you a loved one's perspective on PTSD." _

_Brittany responded, "Sure, that would be great. But I have to admit that I haven't been dating Santana that long. I knew her after the war." _

"_That's ok. I sometimes understand how quick love can be. I meet my husband during Spring break one year in college. Six months later we got married. Of course, Jason and I are going to be different from you and Santana. But we want to help." Kristen said._

_Brittany sometimes wondered if things were moving too fast with Santana. But the current "break" she realized things were slow now and might help." _

_The blonde than spoke into the phone, "What time would work best for you and your husband?" _

_Kristen said, "About this Tuesday._

Brittany was now into the Lopez driveway. She let herself in with her key.

She was shocked when she saw Santana sitting in the living room with a journal and pen near her lap. The pages were blank.

"Santana, what you are doing here? I thought you were at Quinn's office." Brittany said.

"Hey Brittany. Quinn had a last minute out of town work event." She stared at Brittany's face for a bit, she had missed Brittany.

Brittany took a seat next to Santana, "How have you been doing?"

"I'm doing ok. I guess. Therapy is kind of hard, but I'm sleeping better at night. How have you been Brittany?" Santana said.

"I've been doing ok in classes. LCC is doing a production of Grease and I'm playing Cha-Cha." Brittany said.

"Wow that's great." Santana said.

"Yeah it is. Jenna is going to come see the show. She excited for me. She is also sad that her spring dance recital got pushed back." Brittany said.

"Oh." Santana said.

Brittany went into the kitchen to get the money and list.

She came back into the living room and sat down next to the brunette.

"Santana, I'm glad that you are doing better. Don't forget that I love you." Brittany said before giving Santana a simple kiss on the forehead.

Brittany left and Santana was glad that she had a few moments with Brittany. She then picked up the journal and began to write in it.


	18. Chapter 18

Damaged Chapter 18

Santana walked into Dr. Grant's office carrying the journal. The therapist asked if she wanted to read her entries about her scars.

She opened up the journal to a certain page and read.

"For the few weeks after the roadside bomb, I was kept heavily sedated in the hospital in Germany. I do have some memories of that time. I remember my mother comforting me and saying that she would love me not matter what. Eventually the sedatives were decreased and realized that my face and other parts of my body were bandaged. I began wonder how my face looked. I spent days bugging the doctors to let me see. One day during a bandage change one of the doctors handed me a mirror. At the time, I had only had one surgery on my face. The scars were much thicker and there were bruises around them. The right side of my face looked mushy and grotesque. I hated myself because I survived the bomb. I wanted to die and then part of me began to think I deserved to be disfigured. I thought I deserved it for killing other people in the war. Now I'm sort of ok with my scars. I realize that I don't deserve what happened to me. I know I'm not normal like everyone else, I know I will spend years being stared at or seeing people and children being frightened by my appearance. Things are easier for me because I fell in love with Brittany and she fell in love with me despite my appearance."

Dr. Grant again took notes and then spoke up, "That was a wonderful entry. You shared your anger, your fears, and your hope. You have mentioned your girlfriend before can tell me more about her."

"As you remember she is my mom's housekeeper. She had started working right before I came back from California. I had my last surgery and the surgeons told me there wasn't much they could do anymore. I was so annoyed with my mom for hiring a housekeeper. I didn't expect to fall in love with her. But something about her made me fall for her. She wasn't frightened by my face. She once told me that she thought my scars were beauty marks of survival. I don't see my scars that way though. I still feel like a freak at times." Santana said.

"You aren't a freak Santana. Yes, your face is scarred for the rest of your life. You survived a horrible ordeal and your girlfriend has already helped you feel better. You should bring her to one of our sessions." Dr. Grant said.

"Well, we are on a break. Before I started seeing you and Dr. Hill, I knew the process was going to be hard and I decided that I need to focus more on it and I told Brittany that we should take a break. I did see her yesterday at my house." Santana said.

"It is good that you focusing a lot on your treatments. But I don't think it would hurt if you and Brittany were still actively dating while you are in treatment." Dr. Grant said.

Santana thought about that for a few moments. But she still felt she needed the break from Brittany for treatment and to sort through her past. She needed to confront the pain of losing Jessica in the war.

* * *

Brittany entered Coffee Joe's Cafe on a Tuesday evening and she spotted Kristen and her husband Jason sitting near the back in a booth. She went to the table and greeted them. She made her order to a waitress.

She got acquainted with Jason and Kristen. Jason had originally wanted to join the Army, but he was rejected by of his vision problems. So Kristen joined alone. Kristen was now in college and her goal was to be a teacher. Jason was a electrician with his own business set up in Lima. The couple also asked about Santana and Brittany told them about how Santana joined the Army in honor of her father. She also told them about Santana's injuries. Kristen cringed a bit hearing about it, she then told Brittany about the times she had assisted in helping soldiers injured by bombs. She told Brittany that it was also painful to see other soldiers physically injured.

After awhile, the three came onto the topic of PTSD.

Jason looked at Brittany and said, "Kristen started showing symptoms of PTSD about a month after she got back."

"I was having nightmares and when Jason started to know. I would go downstairs in the middle of the night to sleep down there. I didn't want Jason to know more about my pain. Has Santana hidden things from you?" Kristen said.

Brittany thought back to the cabin incident and then said, "She has. She had a nightmare during a getaway. She told me it was nothing. Later on, I noticed she look tired some days."

"I think the reason I tried to hide my pain and symptoms from Jason is because I didn't want him to think that I was weak. I didn't want him to think of me as broken." Kristen said.

"With Santana, I think part of the reason she didn't want me to know about the nightmares and other things is because she is damaged on the outside. She never expected that someone would fall in love with her again because of the scars. I fell in love with her. I think she was scared that if I knew about the nightmares and the PTSD that I would break up with her. We are on this break now, but I won't ever break up with Santana because of her damages." Brittany said.

Both Jason and Kristen smiled at Brittany.

Kristen then said, "Brittany I will be honest with you. PTSD in some cases still always remains with some people for years. I still have bad days and sometimes it's not easy on Jason."

Brittany looked at Jason, "How do you deal with things? I know I have to be strong and I know things won't be easy once me and Santana get back together."

"You have to focus on coping with what she goes through and how it makes you feel and how want to comfort her. Sometimes you might be angry at her for focusing too much on the past. There are times, I get frustrated with Kristen's nightmares or triggers. But you can't do that too much because no one can leave their past behind. You also have to accept that mental scars will always remain with her." Jason said.

Brittany nodded and knew it was true. Santana's past would always remain with her and she knew Santana's past would be connected with her in the future. Brittany and the couple continued talking for awhile and they agree to meet up in a couple of weeks.

* * *

A week later, Santana was in Dr. Grant's office.

"I'm ready to talk about Jessica more. I think it is time. Some of my nightmares and triggers are related to her." Santana said.

Dr. Grant said, "You brieft told me about her in a previous session. You said that you two were close friends."

"Well we were a little more than that. She was a lesbian too. We agreed to have a" friends with benefit" type agreement. We both thought it would help us cope with the stresses of war. It did. But she loved me and I loved her. But I blocked out my feelings and I didn't want her to know that I loved her too. The day she died was one of the worst days for me in Iraq. I found her on the street, she had been shot twice. One wound was in the front of her neck. I remember that wound was so ugly and bloody. The other wound was in her shoulder. She looked so scared and she kept trying to talk but she couldn't because of neck wound. I sometimes wonder if she was trying to tell me that she loved me. She died before the medics got there. I held her and kept telling her come on. I was crazy to think I could will her back to life. " Santana said as she wiped a tear from the scarred side of her face.

Dr. Grant responded, "I can understand why Jessica's death had an impact on you. You two had a close bond. In life, we develop deeper bonds with those we fall in love with. You lost Jessica in a intense situation and I can see how that comes into your PTSD. This might not work, but maybe you can lessen some of the sadness about Jessica by somehow telling her that you loved her. You can write down or look at a picture of her and say it."

"I know where she is buried. She was buried in her hometown in Kentucky. I will go there and visit her grave and see her family. Her family didn't know that she was gay. I won't out her in death. But I will tell them that Jessica was a special woman." Santana said.

Dr. Grant, "That is good idea. I can go with you or maybe someone else can go with you. It might be difficult and painful."

"No, I will go alone. I can handle it." Santana said.

* * *

**Author's Note: Chapter 19 is now in progress an will be posted later on today.**


	19. Chapter 19

Damaged Chapter 19

**Author's Note: if you haven't read chapter 18, please read it before this chapter. I posted it a few hours ago.**

It was Friday morning, Santana was in Quinn's house eating breakfast. Quinn asked her to meet up with her for a home cooked breakfast. Santana would be heading out to Bowling Green, Kentucky after she the meal.

Quinn was at the stove frying bacon and she said, "I can go with you to Kentucky, if you want. I can call into the office."

Santana responded, "Thank you, but I like told my mom and Dr. Grant. This is something I need to do on my own."

Quinn smiled, "I know, but we still worry about you."

"The pain will come when I see Jessica's parents and when I go to her grave. But I know I can handle it on my own." Santana said.

The blonde said, "If you need anything call here ok."

Santana smiled at her friend's kindness. Quinn finished up with the bacon and placed it on the able along aside the other courses.

Thefriends began eating and talking about other things. Quinn was now planning her wedding to Puck. Santana told her about therapy.

Quinn asked, "When do you think you will end the break with Brittany?"

"I'm not sure." Santana said.

"Dr. Grant has said that it wouldn't hurt to be actively dating Brittany again. I don't think I'm ready for it yet."

The two finished up breakfast and Santana helped Quinn clean up. Santana's car already had her luggage, GPS, and other things needed for the road trip.

"Thanks for breakfast Quinn."It was a good start to this day." Santana said.

The blonde hugged her friend and said, "Be careful out there. Be strong tomorrow."

* * *

Santana backed out of the driveway and slowly drove out of Lima. Bowling Green was about five and a half hours away. Santana had the car's CD player pre loaded with mixed play list CDs. She sang along with some of the songs. Occasionally she ate gummy bears. She had never liked gummy bears until Brittany said that they were one of her favorite treats. At one point during the drive, she stopped to eat lunch at a roadside diner.

She got back on the road and finally came into Bowling Green. She drove to the hotel where she had made reservations and checked into her room. She tried reading a book that she brought along, but she couldn't because she was starting to get nervous about the next day.

She then remembered the past and the time Jessica asked for advice about eventually coming out of the closet.

_The two women were laying on the cots in their tent. Santana was writing a letter to her grandmother Alma. Jessica was playing a game on her PSP. _

"_Santana how did you come out to your family? I know you said your grandmother only started talking to you again. I'm thinking maybe after this tour, I might come out to my family." Jessica said._

"_It was tough. I came out to my friends before my parents. My best friend Quinn was very supportive right away. She didn't turn her back on me. Some of my other friends had a hard time at first. I told my parents one night after dinner. I remember my father had a very shocked look on his face. My mom stayed quiet for several minutes. Before she hugged me. My dad said it was hard for him to take in, but he would try to understand me. A couple of nights later, I went over to my abuela's house. She didn't take it well and she banned me from her house. She told my parents that I was a sinner and I had no place being in her Catholic home. I didn't see her for three years. After my dad died, she told me life was too short and that she was welcoming me back into her life. She still has a hard time with me being a lesbian every once in awhile. I know in time, she will be completely ok with me." Santana said._

"_I worry about my family shunning me. We are Catholic too. My family is huge part of my life, I don't think I could deal with my family not speaking to me or seeing me. Maybe I'm better off staying in the closet." Jessica said._

_Santana then sat on Jessica's cot and put her arms around her, "I know it's hard being different and not fitting into other people's beliefs or lifestyles. But if you stay in the closet you aren't being honest with the people you love. Sometimes you have to take certain risks in life even if it involves your family. If they reject you, you can fight for their love and acceptance. After my abuela banned me, I would send her letters or emails letting her know that I still loved her and that I hoped she would give me chances again." Santana said. _

"_You are right. I'm not being honest with them by hiding. I know it is going to kill them." Jessica said._

"_Maybe you could come out to them now. You can can call them or tell them in an email or letter." _

_Jessica said, "No, this is something I have to do in person."_

A month after that conservation, Jessica was dead. She would never have the chance of telling her parents and siblings about her sexual orientation. She would never know if her parents would have accepted her. Her secret died with her too and Santana would be one of the few people who knew it.

* * *

The next morning, Santana got ready for the day. She packed her bags. Her plan was to head back to Lima after visiting the cemetery. She got into her car with her luggage. She stopped off a diner for a bagel and a cup of coffee. She had spoken to Jessica's parents on the phone a few days before about coming to visit them. They told her to arrive at their home on Saturday morning.

She finished her coffee and got into her car. She eventually pulled onto the street and found the Hampton house which was a small yellow single story house. She saw a few cars in the driveway. She pulled up near the curb. She took a couple of deep breaths.

She got out and went up to the door and knocked.

The woman who answered was Barbara Hampton. She was in her late 50s and had red hair. Santana saw that Jessica looked like her.

"Hello Mrs. Hampton. I'm Santana Lopez." She said.

Barbara responded, 'Hello there. Please call me Barbara come in. My husband and children are in the dining room waiting for you."

Santana followed her into the dining room and as they entered Barbara said, "Everyone, this is Sgt. Santana Lopez."

An older man with greying hair got up and said, "Nice to meet you Sgt. Lopez. I'm Steve. Jessica's father. She spoke very highly of you."

"Thank you. Call me Santana. My military career is over."

Barbara pointed a young woman in her early 20s and said, "This is Tara. Jessica's younger sister.

Tara had a blonde hair and she had green eyes like Jessica. She said to Santana, "It's nice to meet you. Jessica told me about in phone calls and letters."

Barbara then lead Santana to a couple and a little boy who looked around 5 or 6.

"This is my son Kyle, his wife Beth and their son Owen." She said.

The couple held out their hands for Santana to shake. Santana noticed a baby bump on Beth.

Owen glanced up at Santana and said, "Your face looks funny."

Kyle, Beth, and Barbara hushed the boy. Beth said, "Owen that's not nice."

Santana looked at Beth and said, "It's ok. I'm not mad. He's a kid and he is making an observation."

She bent down a little towards Owen and said, "Yeah my face is funny looking because of an accident that happened in Iraq. It's ok to ask me questions."

"Did the accident hurt? Do those marks on your face hurt?" Owen asked in a soft curious voice.

"The accident did hurt. The scars of my face and body used to hurt. They don't anymore" Santana said.

"Can I touch them?"Owen. asked.

"Owen, I don't think you should have asked that" Kyle said.

"It's ok" Santana said.

The brunette bent down more and picked up the small boy and he wrapped his legs around her waist. He placed his little hand on the scarred side of her face and he traced the scars.

"My daddy said that you were in the war with my aunt Jessica. She lives in Heaven now. We are going to name my baby sister after her." Owen said.

Santana said, "Jessica would be proud and happy. She told me that family was important to her."

Steve yelled from the living room, "Let's come in here to talk."

Santana put Owen down and he ran into the living room and took a seat on Steve's lap. Beth and Tara sat next to Steve and Owen on the couch. Kyle and Beth sat on the love seat. Santana took a seat on a recliner.

Steve said, "Jessica told us a lot about you. She said that you had become one of her best friends over there."

Barbara then asked, "We always worried about Jess and we wondered how she coped being in a dangerous situations everyday."

"She coped pretty well. Some days she gave me strength when I needed it. She did have her bad days. Days when she got frustrated especially after someone in the unit was hurt or killed. She used to talk about all of you as comfort. She used to give us some of the cookies and breads you sent in her care packages. Barbara you are a great baker." Santana said with a smile.

"She told me that you were asking for my recipes." Barbara said laughing.

Kyle asked, "Did she talk about me, Beth, and Tara?"

She did, "She said that you were the one who taught her to play basketball. She also said that she loved having movie nights with you Tara. She told me about how Beth became one of her closest friends after she married you Kyle."

"She talked about Owen too. She told me about how happy she was when she became an aunt. " Santana.

Kyle placed his hand on Beth's baby bump and said, "She loved Owen and she would loved this baby too."

* * *

Santana and the family continued talking about Jessica for awhile. They told them things that Santana didn't know about Jessica. Barbara showed her pictures of Jessica as a child and teen. On the fireplace mantle, Santana spotted Jessica's interment flag placed in cedar and glass case. She saw the engraved panel which had Jessica's name and rank on it. On the side was a small picture of Jessica in uniform.

Kyle said, "Owen why don't go watch a movie in Grandpa and Grandma's room?"

"Ok daddy." Owen said before running down the hall.

Steve said, "Santana, I know this will be hard but can you tell us about the day Jessica died. We read the report that said you found her and were with her when she passed."

"That day was pretty chaotic. Bombs and gunfire were going off throughout the city. Our unit split up during a patrol and gunfire broke out. I found Jessica alone on a street. She was coughing up blood and I could tell she was in an intense pain. She kept trying to talk, but the neck wound made it in impossible. She died several minutes after I found her." Santana said.

She saw tears on the faces of the Jessica's family members.

Tara said, "I'm glad you found her and that she didn't die alone on that street."

Steve held his crying wife.

Santana then said, "I radioed for one of the Catholic chaplains to pray over Jessica's body. She had told me to do that if something ever happened to her."

_The medics had placed Jessica's body on a gurney in the back of an ambulance.  
_

_A SUV pulled up behind the ambulance and Father Jonathan Murray got out. Santana and Jessica sometimes attended the Masses he gave at the base. The priest went into the ambulance._

"_I'm so sorry for your loss. I know that you and Sgt. Hampton were close friends."_

_Santana wiped her tears and said, "Thank you Father." _

_The priest reached into the pocket of his fatigues and pulled out a small prayer book. _

_He then said, "In the name of the father, the son, and the holy spirit" as he sprinkled holy water onto Jessica's forehead. _

_Santana made the sign of the cross when she heard the priest say that. _

_The priest then said a prayer_

"_Lord our God, the death of Jessica recalls our human condition and the brevity of our lives on earth. But for those who believe in Your love, death is not the end, nor does it destroy the bonds that You forge in our lives. We share the faith of Your Son's disciples and the hope of the children of God. Bring the light of Christ's resurrection to this time of testing and pain as we pray for Jessica and for those who love her, through Christ our Lord. Amen."_

_The priest then leaned down and made a cross on Jessica's forehead with his thumb and blessed her body one more time._

_He got up and looked at Santana, "If you need anything or need to talk let me know." _

_Santana nodded and said "Thank you." _

_After that day, Santana stopped being Catholic. She didn't hate the church or God. But she knew that Catholic church wasn't perfect or completely kind to people like her and Jessica. She was glad that Jessica found some comfort in the church and she was thankful that Father Murray prayed over Jessica's body._

Back in the present, Barbara said, "Thank you for doing that. We are devout Catholics and we are glad that Jessica's body was blessed before it arrived here."

"You're welcome." Santana said.

She stayed quiet and said, "I think I'm ready to head out to the cemetery."

Tara said, "We can go with you."

"Umm I want to go alone. I mean no offense." Santana said.

"Oh we understand." Tara said.

Minutes later, the Hampton family was Santana at her car.

Steve said, "You give us call when you make it home. We always make sure friends of our children are safe."

"Thank you for the concern." Santana said.

Barbara then pulled out a silver medal and chain and said, "This was Jessica's St. Christopher medal. I want you to have it."

Santana remembered Jessica wearing the medal.

"I can't take it that." Santana said.

"Please take it. You survived the war and you always need St. Christopher's protection" Barbara said.

Santana smiled and took the medal. She then opened the glove compartment and took out two $20 dollar bills.

She walked over to Kyle, Beth, and Owen.

She said, "Owen, here is 20 bucks for you to buy something for yourself."

Owen said, "Thank you Santana."

She then looked at Kyle and Beth.

"Take this twenty and buy something for baby Jessica." Santana said.

The couple thanked her.

She said her goodbyes to the Hampton family and then drove to the cemetery. She liked the Hamptons despite the fact that the fact that Jessica told her that her that they were homophobic. Maybe the Hamptons would have accepted their daughter, sister, and aunt. But that would forever remain a mystery.

Santana finally arrived at the cemetery. She pulled out a artificial flower wreath from the backseat. The wreath contained the colors of the American flag.

She walked through the cemetery and then came to Jessica's grave.

She placed the wreath on it and said, "Hey Jess, I came here to tell that I loved you. I still do love you. I'm sorry I didn't tell you in Iraq. I met your family awhile ago. They are nice people and see why loved them. Maybe they would accepted you. I've met someone since I came back. Her name is Brittany Pierce. She is very kind and she has helped me. I hope I can make a long life with her. I won't ever forget you Jessica."

She then walked to her car. She smiled as she remembered Jessica's smile. She then began to think about Brittany. Brittany was her future. She put on a CD that contained a song that reminded her of Brittany. She then started the car and drove away.

"_It's been a long time coming since I've seen your face_

_I've been everywhere and back trying to replace _

_Everything that I've had till my feet went numb_

_Praying like a fool that's been on the run_

_Heart still beating but it's not working_

_It's like a million dollar phone that you just can't ring_

_I reach out trying to love but I feel nothing_

_Yeah, my heart is numb_

_But with you, I feel again_

_Yeah with you, I can feel again, yeah_

_(Woo hoo) I'm feeling better since you know me_

_I was a lonely soul but that's the old me_

_It's been a long time coming since I've seen your face_

_I've been everywhere and back trying to replace _

_Everything that I broke till my feet went numb_

_Praying like a fool who just shot a gun_

_Heart still beating but it's not working_

_It's like a hundred thousand voices that just can't sing_

_I reached out trying to love but I feel nothing_

_Oh my heart is numb_

_But with you, I feel again_

_And with you, I can feel again_

_But with you (I'm feeling better since you know me)_

_I feel again (I was a lonely soul but that's the old me)_

_Yeah with you (I'm feeling better since you know me)_

_I can feel again (I was a lonely soul)_

_Woo hoo (Woo hoo)_

_(I'm feeling better since you know me)_

_(I was a lonely soul, but that's the old me)_

_(I'm feeling better since you know me)_

_(I was a lonely soul, but that's the old me)_

_(I'm feeling better since you know me)_

_(I was a lonely soul, but that's the old me)_

_I'm feeling better ever since you know me_

_I was a lonely soul but that's the old me_

_A little wiser now from what you showed me_

_Yeah, I feel again, feel again woo oho"_

* * *

After several hours of driving, Santana pulled up to Brittany's grandma house. She went up and knocked on the door and was happy to see Brittany answer it.

"Santana, hey what are you doing here?" Brittany asked.

"Hi Britt-Britt. I went to Kentucky yesterday and today I visited with Jessica's family. I didn't out her to them. But I got some comfort from them because they showed me that they loved her. I went to Jessica's grave. I made peace with her and told her that I loved her. Brittany you are my future and I think it is time for this break to end. I'm still going through my treatments and things will never be easy for me. I'm ready to have you back in my life. I love you Brittany." Santana said.

Brittany smiled and said, "I love you too." She than pulled Santana in for a kiss.

* * *

**The song is Feel Again by OneRepublic**


	20. Chapter 20

Damaged Chapter 20

Santana ended up spending that night at Brittany's. That night in Brittany's room, the two had sex. Santana enjoyed fingering Brittany and Brittany also enjoyed pleasuring Santana with her mouth.

They woke up in each other's arms. Santana was feeling happy.

Brittany said, "I know we have been dating less than a year and you are still dealing with your PTSD. Do you ever think about the future and whether we might go further? Maybe we could have a commitment ceremony and then move in together. Or maybe someday we will be able to get married."

"I've been thinking about the same things too Britt. Dr. Grant has told me about couples who have managed PTSD well." Santana said.

"Do you want kids?" Brittany asked.

"Kids? I don't know Britt. I fear that my PTSD and how I look wouldn't be good for kids."

"Santana you are beautiful and your scars don't matter to me and I don't think they would matter if we had kids. I'm sure you would make a good mom." Brittany said.

"Brittany you have helped to kind of accept my disfigurement. But I still know it will make things hard for us at times. Even If I didn't have scars, there would still be people staring at us because we are lesbians. I know my situation will make things worse and I wouldn't want children to burdened by having one of their moms not look normal."

"I don't think normal can be defined. There are many people who have differences even little ones. If we had kids, we could teach them to be strong for you and they would know that the war caused your scars."

"Look Britt, let's drop the kids talk and for now let's focus on my treatment and other things here in the present." Santana said.

"Ok." Britt said.

The blonde then thought back the support group and her meeting with Jason and Kristen. She still felt bad about doing that stuff behind Santana's back. Now that she and Santana were back together, she decided to tell Santana about her recent activities.

She faced Santana and said, "I need to tell you something and please don't get mad."

"What is it?

"Your mom and I decided we need to understand PTSD better. Your mom came up with the plan for us to go and observe a PTSD support group here in Lima. We both felt like we were doing since we were going behind your back." Brittany said.

Santana responded, "I'm not mad. You and my mom weren't doing anything wrong. You were trying to help and understand me better."

Brittany felt relief as she heard that and she then said, "I met with one of the people from support group. Her name is Kristen she served in the war too. Her husband was with her and they gave me advice on PTSD. Maybe we can meet with them sometime."

"Yeah maybe. At some point maybe you can come with me to one of my sessions with Dr. Grant" Santana said.

The two later got out of bed, showered, and had breakfast. Santana headed home and told Maribel that Brittany revealed the details about the support group. Maribel was relieved that her daughter wasn't upset. They talked about the visit with Jessica's family.

* * *

A few days passed by and Brittany was leaving one of her classes and was on her way to rehearsals for Grease. She was approached by Artie.

"Hey Artie. What's up?" She asked.

"Well I have some good news for both you and me. About we go over to the student cafe." He said.

They went into the cafe and got coffees and bagels.

Artie said, "You remember how I had a videographer film the West Side Story production."

The blonde nodded.

"Well some admissions people at NYU saw it and they liked it. They are offering me a scholarship to transfer there. The video also made the rounds among some Broadway producers and talent scouts. They liked your dancing Brittany. A few of them want to offer you dancing jobs." Artie said.

Brittany stayed silent taking in what Artie revealed to her. She was happy about the NYU offer from Artie and she felt happy knowing that others saw that she was good enough to dance professionally.

Artie said, "Brittany are you ok? You haven't said anything. I thought you would be happy."

"I am happy. I've always wanted to dance professionally. But I don't know if I could do it. Santana is still going through her treatments and I want to be there for her. And then there is my dad. He doesn't like my dancing dreams. If I tried to have a professional dance career, he would flip out." Brittany said.

* * *

Later on, Brittany went over to Santana's and she told the brunette about what Artie said.

"I think you should try to dance professionally." Santana said.

"I can't do that. You are still going through treatment and trying to figure out your own life. You know my dad hates my dancing dreams." The blonde said.

"We can figure things out. Your dad has to let you go and live your own life at some point. Brittany you have to least try for your dreams. If you don't it will be a big what if." Santana said.

"Maybe I'll talk to my dad." Brittany said.

Hours later, she gained the courage to call him up.

"Hi Dad," She said.

On the other end, Adam said, "Hey sweetheart, how are you doing?"

"I'm doing pretty well. Santana and I are back together and I got some good news today." She said.

'What is it?" Her father asked.

"The video tape of LCC's West Side Story performance has been viewed by some Broadway producers and talent scouts. Some of them want to hire me. I'm thinking about maybe moving to New York after the semester ends. I want to try and make a professional dance career." She said.

Adam then replied with anger, "You better not do that Brittany. That is a stupid decision for your future. You won't be able to dance forever."

"I know I won't Dad. I could also become a dance teacher or a choreographer later on." She said

"Well still it is an idiotic career move Brittany. You are better off getting a college degree." He said.

"Dad those are the goals you want for me. I need to live my own life." She said.

"If you want to live your own life fine, live it but I'll be out of it." Adam said before hanging up.

Tears streamed down Brittany's face.

* * *

**Author's Note: I apologize for not updating sooner. I have enjoyed writing this story very much, but I needed a break from it. I think I will be ending the story in the next 3-5 chapters. I have some of the next chapters planned out. Thank you again to everyone who has been following this story.  
**


	21. Chapter 21

**Author's Note: Hey everyone. I apologize in advance for not updating sooner, but I got busy for awhile with family stuff. I'm going to try and have the next chapter up in a few days. I have changed some of my plans for this story. **

Damaged Chapter 21

After the phone argument with her father, Brittany stayed over at Santana's house. Santana did her best to comfort Brittany. She wanted Brittany to try for a professional dance career, but she began to worry about their relationship. Santana first thought about maybe moving with Brittany if she decided to go to New York. But a part of Santana wasn't ready to leave Lima yet.

The next morning, Brittany awoke and showered. She left a note for Santana saying that she went off to class. The brunette found the note. She then showered and got ready for her day.

This day was going to be a bit different for Santana. Dr. Grant decided to have Santana visit a burn center as part of her therapy program. She knew that Santana was still having issues with her disfigurement.

Santana drove to Dr. Grant's office. The therapist was waiting outside near her car. She would be the one driving Santana to Cincinnati to visit a burn center at a hospital. After a few minutes of talking, the two headed off.

The therapist noticed that Santana seemed uneasy.

"Are you nervous about going to the burn center? I know you have seen other people disfigured before, but it might always be hard for you to see others." Dr. Grant asked.

"I am nervous about that. Back in the veterans hospitals, I was used to seeing and hearing stories about people injured in war. Visiting people who weren't injured in a war might be hard for me. I'm also worried about my relationship with my girlfriend." Santana said.

"Are you two fighting?" The therapist asked.

"No we aren't. She is a dancer and last fall she appeared in LCC's production of West Side Story. She was one of the dancers. Anyway a video of that performance has been seen by some Broadway and showbiz people and she might have some job offers. I want her to try to see if she can make it as professional dancer. But if she moves to New York, I don't know what will happen to our relationship. I don't think I'm completely ready to leave Lima. I feel that I still need more therapy to deal with my PTSD. I don't know if I could handle a long distance relationship." Santana said.

"I understand your worries Santana. Have you told Brittany?'

Santana responded, "I haven't. I don't want to upset her. She is having a difficult time because her dad doesn't want her to pursue dancing as a career. I do want to support her because she is very talented."

"I think it might be best to tell her about your worries right away instead of waiting. Maybe a long distance relationship could for you for awhile and then you can join her in New York" The therapist said.

Santana simply nodded.

* * *

After two hours of driving, the women arrived at the burn center. They headed up a few floors on the elevator to the burn center. They went to the front desk, where Dr. Grant asked for the name of one of the hospital psychologists, Dr. Claire Smith.

"Hi Claire, it's nice seeing you again." Dr. Grant said as the psychologist came out to the front desk.

"Good to see you to." Dr. Smith said.

Dr. Grant then said, "This is Santana Lopez. She is the patient I was telling you about."

The doctor held out her hand and said, "Nice to meet you."

Santana responded the same way.

"Now Santana, Dr. Grant and I have done similar therapies in the past with veterans or other people dealing with disfigurement. Some of the people you will be meeting with are severely disfigured some where burned over 60 to 80% percent over their bodies. I know your situation is different, but you may feel some kind of connection to them and you will realize that any situation can change a person's life outside of war." Dr. Smith said.

Santana nodded and Dr. Smith lead her down the hall to a room.

Dr. Smith said, "We are going to meet with Zack, he is 9 year old burn victim. An old heater in his grandmother's house exploded. He was burned about 80% of his body"

The three women then entered the room and Santana saw a boy covered in bandages lying on the bed.

The boy said weakly, "Hi Dr. Smith."

"Hi Zack. We have some visitors for you. This is my friend Dr. Grant and her patient Santana Lopez." Dr. Smith said.

Santana got closer to the bed and said, "Hi Zack."

The boy responded, "Were you in a fire too? I see that you have scars."

"I wasn't in a fire exactly. I got hurt in the war. There was a bomb and I got some burns on my body because of it." She said softly.

"You are lucky that your whole face didn't get messed up like mine." Zack said.

Santana didn't respond right away. She knew she was lucky. Only one side of her face was damaged and she didn't have long lasting effects from her injuries like other people did.

She then said to Zack, "I am lucky. Do you have any hobbies?"

"I like playing baseball and painting pictures. I can't paint right now because my arms hurt too much." The boy said.

"That's too bad. But you will get better later on and you will be able to paint again. For awhile, after I was hurt, I couldn't do certain things. But with help from doctors and nurses I got better and you will too." Santana said.

Santana spent the rest of the day visiting other patients and somehow she was able to give comfort to them.

As she and Dr. Grant were driving back to Lima, she told her therapist that she wanted to go back the following week to Cincinnati to visit the burn unit. She said that she felt she needed to back and she felt a connection with the patients there.

* * *

After getting to Dr. Grant's office, she headed home knowing that Brittany would be over for dinner.

She came into her house and found Brittany and Maribel cooking in the kitchen and laughing.

"Hey you two." The brunette said.

"Hi mija. I'm showing Brittany how to make flan." Maribel said.

"I hope she can make it as good as you." Santana said.

Brittany went over and kissed Santana.

She then took a seat at the table.

"How was your trip to Cincinnati?" Maribel said.

"It went ok. I was nervous again about seeing people who are burned or disfigured. But somehow I felt like I was doing a good thing. I'm going back next week to visit that burn unit on my own. I just feel like that I need to go back there." Santana said.

Maribel and Brittany then started setting the table and putting the food on.

The three ate and talked about other things.

Halfway through dinner, Brittany asked, "Santana I need to ask a favor of you."

"Sure, baby what is it?" Santana responded.

"The Grease performances are in three weeks. Jenna called me today and said that my dad is still willing to let her come to one of the shows unless I go and pick her up in Fort Wayne. I was wondering if you could pick her up for me the day of the opening night. I'm still mad at my dad and I don't want to face him." Britt said.

"Sure I can go sweetie. I love Jenna and I know how much you want her to see you perform." Santana said.


	22. Chapter 22

Damaged Chapter 22

A week later Santana returned to the burn unit in Cincinnati. The patients were happy to see her again especially Zack. Slowly Santana was realizing that she wanted to do more to help people dealing with burns or disfigurements. Meanwhile, Brittany was getting ready for the Grease production. Sometimes Santana would go to rehearsals and watch. Brittany was also communicating with Jenna about things. The two sisters avoided the subject of their father.

One day, Dr. Grant came by to the Lopez house to visit and discuss something with Santana. Santana let the therapist in.

"Santana, Dr. Smith has told me about how you taken to the patients at the burn center. I was thinking that maybe you could get into counseling. You already have a bachelor's degree and you go back to school to take psychology courses and then maybe go to graduate school." Dr. Grant said.

The brunette listened to the therapist's suggestion and she agreed with it. Santana knew she had the desire to help people in bad situations, but the situation with Brittany made her thoughts complicated.

Santana responded, "I have been thinking about becoming a counselor or a therapist. But there are other things in my life."

"Brittany" Dr. Grant responded.

Santana just nodded.

* * *

Santana and Brittany were driving into Breadsticks later that night. They had just gotten out of Brittany's rehearsal. They took a booth.

Santana placed her hands on Brittany's and said, "Britt, I need to discuss something with you."

"What is it?"

"I've been thinking about the future. I think I know what I want to do with the rest of my life. After spending time at the burn unit in Cincinnati and talking with Dr. Grant, I'm thinking about becoming a counselor for burn victims or people dealing with disfigurements. I love you Britt, but I'm not sure what to do." Santana said.

Brittany stayed silent for a few moments talking in what her girlfriend said.

"San, I have been thinking about the future too. I know we might end up in a long distance relationship. But I don't want to break up with you." The blonde said.

"I don't either. We will just take things as they come, Britt. Both of us need to accomplish the goals we have." Santana said.

* * *

Two weeks went by and the day of the first Grease performance came. It was a Friday and Santana would make the hour and a half drive to Fort Wayne to pick up Jenna. She knew that Brittany was still upset about the situation with her father. But the brunette decided that she would try to help the situation. She asked Artie for a copy of the West Side Story performance.

She drove into Fort Wayne and arrived at the Pierce home. She knocked on the door and Jenna answered with a smile.

"Hey Santana." The girl said as she moved forward to hug the brunette.

"Hi Jenna, you ready to go."

"Yeah, I have my bags here." Jenna said.

Santana then spotted Adam in the hallway.

"Hello Santana, it's nice to see you." The man said.

"Hi Adam, how are you doing?" She asked.

"I'm doing ok. How is Brittany?" He asked.

"She is doing well. She is pretty much flawless in rehearsals. You should come see one of the performances this weekend." Santana said.

"Look Santana, I know dancing is important to Brittany, but she should focus on other things." Adam said.

Santana reached into her purse and pulled out the cased DVD and handed it to Adam.

She said, "Maybe give your daughter a chance".

"Jenna let's hit the road." Santana said as she turned towards the girl.

* * *

Two hours later, they arrived in Lima. Santana and Jenna got ready at Evelyn's house. Evelyn, Santana, and Jenna arrived at the auditorium. They watched the performance. After the show, they went backstage. Jenna ran over and gave her big sister Brittany a hug.

"That was awesome Britt." She said.

"Yeah, did I make any mistakes?'" Brittany asked.

"No" Jenna responded.

The cast and their families mingled at the after party.

* * *

Santana and Jenna decided to go the next night's performance. They enjoyed watching Brittany again. After the show, the three went to Evelyn's and they were surprised to see Adam's car there. They walked into the house right away.

They found Adam at the table with tears in his eyes.

"Dad, why did you come to Lima?" Brittany asked.

"I came to see your perform. I was at the show tonight." He said.

Brittany was surprised.

Adam faced Santana and Jenna and said, "Can you two leave me and Brittany alone for awhile?"

The two nodded and went upstairs.

Adam faced his daughter and said, "Brittany I want to apologize to you. I've been too hard on you. You are talented. I've always known it, I just never wanted to accept it. I want the best for you. Santana gave me a DVD of the West Side Story performance and after watching you in Grease tonight, I finally realize that you need to follow your dreams. Your mother would be so mad at me for how I have treated you. I'm sorry Brittany"

Brittany hugged her dad and said, "It's ok."

"So you are heading to New York. Adam said.

Brittany nodded.

Adam walked over to the table and said, "Well you might need some extra money."

"Dad you don't have to give me money." Brittany said.

"It's not from me". He said.

"What?" Brittany said in a questioning tone.

"After our meeting back in January with Scott. He called me and said that he wanted to give you and Jenna some money. Scott's family is wealthy as you remember. He still had money in his trust fund and he said he wanted to give the money to you and Jenna." Adam said.

Adam then handed Brittany an envelope.

She opened it and inside was a a check for $50,000.

"It's not much, but it will help you a little getting yourself set up in New York." Adam said.

Tears streamed down Brittany's face. Later that night she called Scott and thanked for him for his kindness.


	23. Chapter 23

Damaged Chapter 23

Two months had passed since the Grease performances. Brittany had a found an efficiency apartment in New York and was preparing to move. Things were hard on her and Santana. They both worried about the future and their relationship. The night before Brittany was to fly out to New York. She showed up at Santana's in tears.

"Santana I have decided not to go." Brittany said.

"You have to go. You have to at least try for your dream." The brunette said.

"I don't want us to get ruined." Brittany said.

"We won't get ruined. We have already been through a lot with my PTSD and my issues with my appearance. We can make through this. I promise you." Santana said.

"We will be apart and it will put a strain on us." The blonde cried.

"Of course, there will be strain but we can't let it drag us down too much. Brittany you need to go New York and try for your dream. Both of us have goals we need to accomplish." Santana said.

* * *

7 Years Later

A receptionist at a front desk in a office said into a phone, "Your appointment with Dr. Lopez is set for June 12th at 2:30 pm.

Santana walked into the lobby and called out for her patient, "Melanie"

Melanie, the short woman with burn scars on her face followed Santana into her office.

Santana was now a therapist specializing in trauma victims. In the years prior, she had to gone graduate school and then earned a post graduate degree. She had gain popularity in her field and was a sought out therapist.

She conducted a session with Melanie asking questions about the woman's injuries and the incident that caused it. Melanie was worried about the future, her husband had left her and she wondered if she would find love again.

Santana gave her some advice, "I don't know if you will find love again, but it is possible. Not everyone views scars as hideous things. Someone special in my life once said that scars are beauty marks of survival."

* * *

A few hours later, Santana let herself into her home. The home was in a nice Southern California neighborhood. She went into the kitchen and poured herself a glass of water. She went up the stairs and went into a room.

In the room was a bassinet with a sleeping baby girl in it. Santana smiled down at the tiny creature and watched her sleep.

A voice behind her then said, "I finally got her to go to sleep."

It was Brittany's voice.

"Hey sweetie." Santana said before kissing the blonde.

"How is my wife and baby?" She then asked.

"We are good. We went to the studio today and all the dancers loved seeing Kit." Brittany said.

"Of course, they loved seeing her, she is beautiful like her mom." Santana said.

The two then laid down on the bed in the room.

Brittany held Santana in her arms.

"How was work? Was it tough?" Brittany said.

"One of the sessions with a new patient was tough. But I think some of your wise words helped out." Santana said.

Brittany smiled.

Just then the cries of the baby were heard in the room.

Santana immediately got up and picked up the baby girl from the bassinet.

"It's ok mija, Mama is here." The brunette said.

After a few minutes the baby stopped crying and Santana carried her over to the bed and place her in the middle between her and Brittany. The couple watched their baby. Kit's full name was Kathleen Jessica Lopez-Pierce. She was born two months earlier. Brittany carried the baby.

Brittany and Santana had married 3 years earlier. They had a long distance relationship for four years. It was tough at times, but they eventually settled into Los Angeles where Brittany opened a studio and worked with celebrities. Santana joined a therapy and counseling practice. They waited to have children for awhile. Santana had fears that her scars would be a negative thing for a child. But she eventually realized that having a child with Brittany would take away that fear. Brittany would teach the child not to fear Santana's appearance.

As the couple continued playing with their baby. Kit seemed to focus her eyes on Santana and a small smile formed on the baby's face. A tear streamed down her face.

"Why are you crying?" Brittany asked.

"I'm just really happy. Thank you Brittany for loving me and making me whole again and thank you for bringing this baby into the world for us." Santana said.

Brittany didn't say anything. She put the baby back in the bassinet and then went back and kissed Santana on the mouth.

The End.

* * *

**That's the end. I really enjoyed writing this story and thank you to everyone who followed, favorited, and left reviews for this story. **


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